Luxe Bidet Neo 185 Elite Series Review

The Neo 185, available in white or blue.

The Luxe Bide Neo 185 is Luxe Bidet’s entry into dual nozzle territory (along with it’s cousin, the Neo 180).

Dual nozzles provide a way for the ladies in the house to clean their lady parts as well as booties.  For the gentlemen reading, you can still use the frontal wash if you want, just don’t blame me for the soggy sac.

In addition to the front cleansing nozzle, the Luxe Bidet Neo 185 is also equipped with Luxe Bidet’s fantastic ceramic core valves and a self cleaning mode, along with the standard bidet function.

Check up to the minute pricing of the fantastic Neo 185 here

How is the Neo 185 different from the Neo 180?

Well, on paper, they have the same specs, but take a quick peek at their pics and you’ll see that the Neo 185 sports a twist dial to control water pressure instead of the Neo 180’s pull-lever.

The Neo 180 (left) with its lever control and the Neo 185 (right) with dial control.

The Neo 180 (left) with its lever control and the Neo 185 (right) with dial control.

Some people prefer the twist dial because it can be a little more precise when it comes to adjusting water pressure, with a clearly marked ring around the dial.  The lever control on the other hand, has no such indication of pressure.  Just take your life in your hands and pull that sucker until the desired pressure is reached.

(It should be noted that I prefer the lever control for the sole reason of it feeling like a jet’s throttle instead of a coin operated candy machine.  Your preferences are sure to vary, however!)

Functionality

Both sprays are easy to control with the dual-dial design (twist the smaller nozzle left for feminine cleaning, right to activate the nozzle self wash). I found the rear spray to be just about on target, with a few lil scoots and shifts required to achieve full coverage. This shouldn’t be too much of a surprise, as bidet attachment makers simply can’t accommodate all shapes and sizes of butts – so, expect to do a little shimmying.

Not having a need for the feminine cleansing mode, I can’t directly comment on it, however my volunteer claimed it was great and the pressure was just enough on the low-medium setting to provide adequate cleaning without the pressure being overwhelming.

Overall, this is a fantastic bidet for anyone looking to make the jump to a two-nozzle system.  Solid-feeling and easy to manipulate controls, a self-rinse feature and dual nozzles that function as expected – Luxe Bidet continues to roll out booty-pleasing bidets.

One caveat to this for those in colder climates: there is no hot water function, so if your cold water is extra cold in the winter, be aware that it is this temperature that your nether-regions are going to contend with.

Luxe Bidet: A Quick look

Luxe Bidet has been on the forefront of bidet attachment production and design since 2008 when they first started in San Francisco.


With their newest bidet line, the Neo series, Luxe Bidet have set their sights on securing their place as one of the top bidet attachment manufacturers.

The Luxe Bidet Neo 320. Look at that sexy lever!

Luxe Bidet has created a line of well-built, simple to use, good looking bidet attachments with a model sure to please everyone.

From the modest Neo 110 (sporting a single nozzle and a cool-water pressure-dial) to the luxurious Neo 320 (dual nozzle, warm or cool water with a lovely lever to control pressure) and everything  in-between, Luxe Bidet has done a remarkable job of simplifying the bidet attachment buying process.


What places Luxe Bidet above many of the other affordable bidet attachment makers is their focus on high quality parts.

When you’re first installing a bidet attachment, one of the primal fears that can creep up is that of the unit leaking, flooding your house and drowning your cat.

Most bidet attachment makers have done a decent job of stopping the threat of leaking between the water line and the bidet, and if they haven’t, you can throw some plumbers’ tape on there and most likely be good.

Where other bidet attachments can come apart later down the line though, is the internal valve.

This is essentially the valve that controls how much water is going to come surging out of the bidet and onto/into/around your butt.

Luxe Bidet incorporate high-quality ceramic valves in all of their bidet attachments, making them much less likely to spring a leak while you’re off in Bali for an extended vacation, trying to convince your significant other to try the local cuisine even though they somehow already know they won’t like it.

It’s this kind of commitment to quality that has made me a huge Luxe Bidet fan, even so far as saying the Luxe Bidet Neo 320 is the best bidet attachment available last year.


Anywho, all I ask is that when you look for a bidet attachment, seriously consider Luxe Bidet.

You and your ass won’t regret it.

 

 

 

 

Bio Bidet Slim TWO Bidet Review

Bio Bidet’s Newest Bidet is a Functional, However, Underwhelming Upgrade.

With the Slim ONE, Bio Bidet made a bare-bones, simple, ass-blasting device.  It looked good, performed well and cost around $200.

Now, they’ve released the Slim TWO for nearly $300.

How exactly has the bidet evolved in it’s newest iteration and is it worth the additional cheddah?

How does the Slim ONE compare to the Slim TWO?

Well, I’d argue it should change its name to the Slim One and a Half for starters.

Read on to dig deeper into the Bio Bidet Slim TWO.

I have to admit, it does look nice.


The Slim TWO is the Slim ONE with a remote.

That’s it.

While this isn’t a bad thing, and the Slim ONE could certainly benefit from a remote, I don’think the price is justified by such a meager addition.

Nonetheless, I still think this is a good bidet if you’re in the market for a relatively cheap option with a remote.

The Slim TWO’s chunky, nearly-square remote.

Let’s look at the Slim TWO’s features:

The Slim TWO comes with all the essential bidet features one would expect from an entry level bidet.

It has a heated seat and water, front and rear cleansing, a child mode, night light, an oscillating mode and a pulsating “massage” mode (ooo la la).

One interesting thing to note about the water heating system is that Bio Bidet was able to give the Slim TWO instantly heated water instead of a reservoir system.

This will allow the user to squirt squirt squirt that bidet until they’re absolutely sure no more lil turds are hanging out – all without fear of running out of warm water.

A feature like that is quite impressive in a $300 bidet.

It’s also unusual to find a pulsating mode in bidets at this price range, but it’s one of the things I like best about Bio Bidet, they include this feature on almost every one of their bidets.

If you have any trouble dropping the kids off at the pool, the massage feature works great for those of us who suffer from occasional constipation.

The Slim TWO shines through the night.... and the day if you forget to turn off the nightlight.

The Slim TWO shines through the night…. and the day if you forget to turn off the nightlight.

One feature that is slightly irksome for me is the nightlight.  It isn’t automatic and there isn’t a clear button to press to turn it on and off.

In order to toggle the light, you need to hold down the + sign on the remote.

While this isn’t a deal-breaker, and I’d rather opt for this than no nightlight, it can be a bit annoying.


At the end of the day, though, I’m left wondering why this bidet costs $100 more than the Slim ONE.

Bio Bidet even went so far as to copy and paste 99% of the Slim ONE product page on their website onto the Slim TWO page!

It’s the same bidet, for crump’s sake!

I don’t know why Bio Bidet had to have Kickstarter and IndieGoGo campaigns for this device (both of which raised ~$240,000 each) when all it is, is adding a remote to the same dang thing.

Ok, ok.  I admit a remote is nice, but I would never pay $100 for the luxury of using one.

The $100 less expensive Slim ONE - with all the features of the Slim TWO

The $100 less expensive Slim ONE – with all the features of the Slim TWO

If you are in search of a value/budget bidet, I feel like VALUE is going to be your principal guiding force.

In that case, get a Slim ONE instead.

It looks nice, has all the same features, and is $100 (!) less.

 

The Best Brondell Bidets, 2018

Oh, Brondell.  I’d sing an ode to your bidets if I weren’t a bidet disguised as a human who writes about bidets and therefore unable to sing.

Brondell has been in the competitive bathroom scene since 2003 and since then has become one of the most well-know bidet and toilet makers.

Let’s take a lil peek at their best bidets so far in 2018.


Brondell Swash 1400

See up to the minute pricing HERE.

The Brondell Swash 1400 washlet bidet seat comes in two colors, white and biscuit.

Biscuit on the left, white on the right.

Brondell’s top of the line bidet still ranks as its best.  With one of the most beautiful shapes and ominous yet wise looking sensor areas, the Brondell Swash 1400 is one of the best looking bidets around.

In fact, I love this bidet so much, they used to call me Big Swash Dude or BROdell back in high school.

The reasons I love the Swash 1400 bidet are two-fold.


First, and most obviously, are the features

The Brondell Swash 1400 has dual steel nozzles and a warm air dryer which can both be seen here.

The Brondell Swash 1400 has dual steel nozzles and a warm air dryer which can both be seen here.

There are all the features one could expect of a high-end bidet and even a few more.

For example, the Brondell Swash 1400 lets you control the width of the spray – meaning that you can choose from a concentrated, narrow spray to a wide, softer spray.

There is also a little dash of sci-fi in the nozzle.  It is sterilized by silver nano-particles which literally rip bacteria and viruses apart.  Intense.  Metal.

The dryer is quite effective, as is the deodorizer – which, thank God, can be replaced easily, as needed.

Oh!  And I almost forgot to mention the two programmable user settings.

The Swash 1400 certainly makes it pretty darn easy to clean yer ass.


The second reason the Swash 1400 bidet reigns supreme is its looks.

I'm a sucker for night lights and the Brondell Swash 1400 has a glorious one.

I’m a sucker for night lights and the Brondell Swash 1400 has a glorious one.

While it isn’t doing anything necessarily mind-blowing/avant garde (nobody is asking for an avant garde bidet…yet), it checks all the right boxes as far as style goes.

Resembling other bidets in Brondell’s lineup, the Swash 1400 has sexy lines, and a hinge that frames the area which houses the guts that make this bidet tick.

The shape of the seat conforms nicely to most any batoot, and the hidden rear pocket stows away the unsightly power cables and water lines, leading to a sleek, minimal look.

Speaking of sleek and minimal, the Swash 1400 is thin, due mostly to its use of a ceramic core heating system which instantly heats water on-demand and forgoes the need for a large water reservoir system.

When push comes to shove, the Brondell Swash 1400 is the best bidet easily available in the USA.  I’m a huge fan.



Next up is actually a very similar bidet, but in the neighborhood of $200 less.

Brondell Swash 1000

See up to the minute pricing HERE.

The Brondell Swash 1000 is quite similar to the Brondell Swash 1400.  They both share a ceramic core instant water heating system, oscillating dual nozzles with silver nanoparticle sterilization, a warm air dryer and a deodorizer.

If these features sound good enough, then, hey, my job is done and you can just go ahead and buy that butt buffer.

If you need a little more convincing, read on.


The features on the Brondell Swash 1000 toss it right up into the “super ultra luxury bidet” category.

As mentioned earlier, the Swash 1000 has instantaneously heated water, a warm air dryer, two stainless steel nozzles which tear bacteria and viruses apart with badass silver nanoparticles, and a deodorizer.

What The Swash 1000 lacks versus the Swash 1400 is either going to make you triumphantly shout out: “Heh!  I never needed all those bells and whistles anyway.  All I want is a clean booty.” OR “Ehhhh, well….. I love night lights, hidden cables, user profiles and replaceable deodorizers.”

Brondell Swash 1000 versus Brondell Swash 1400

The Brondell Swash 1000 on the left and the Brondell Swash 1400 on the right.

Maybe I should have used a spoiler tag up there, but in short, the main differences between the Swash 1000 and the Swash 1400 come down to aesthetic changes.

  • The Swash 1000 doesn’t have a hidden compartment to clean up the look of the water and power connections.
  • It also doesn’t have a night light (personally, something I gotta have, but I know many couldn’t care less).
  • There have also been some cosmetic changes to the Swash 1400 that aren’t seen on the Swash 1000, such as contouring the base of the unit to better blend in with the toilet, creating a more seamless look.

Honestly, though, I love the look of both.


Earlier, it may have sounded like I was bashing the Swash 1000, but that’s far from the case (wouldn’t be on this list, otherwise)

In reality, many of the things it lacks ARE just extras and don’t actually directly contribute to a bidets prime directive: clean asses.

The features of the Brondell Swash 1000 are completely focused on booty blasting, posterior polishing, rear refreshing cleanliness.

This makes it a wonderful buy for those looking for a nice starter bidet that accomplishes its main goal in a satisfying and effective manner.

The of Bio Bidet Bidets.

Bio Bidet has been hard at work.

Going from a minor blip on the bidet radar to a major player in just a few short years, Bio Bidet has rightfully garnered a die-hard following – much in part to their endless innovation.

What are Bio Bidet’s best bidets?


A8 Serenity

See up to the minute price here.

Bio Bidet’s newest bidet focuses on pleasing any posterior.

Adjust everything – Bio Bidet have really begun to differentiate themselves as the bidet maker for people who dig customization.

The A8 Serenity has all the features you’d expect of a high-end unit, such as adjustable nozzle positions, adjustable heating settings for the water, seat, and dryer as well as an eco-mode.

Some of its more premium features are a dual sided remote (which is actually pretty damn sexy, props to Bio Bidet), a stainless steel nozzle for added germ fighting capabilities and customization user profiles, so will never need to worry about that lil stream of water not being zeroed-in on Mt. Poopamanjaro.

What’s surprising about this bidet is the level of control the user has over features that haven’t previously been adjustable in other models.

The first is the dryer.  Not only are you able to change the temperature of the air, but you’re also able to adjust the power of the fans.

Next up is the water aeration.

Never before have we seen a bidet that lets you toggle the aeration of the water.

While we generally prefer aeration to be on for a more comfortable spray, turning it off offers a bit more power for those ultra nasty turds that just don’t wanna leave your loving embrace.

You are also able to play around with a few other features such as adjusting the night light (which lights up the whole bowl and looks super cool) and the chimes on the remote (or even turn them off completely).

With all that said, the A8 Serenity is Bio Bidet’s best bidet seat for those who are looking for a  totally tailored cleaning ass-perience.


Next up is the Bio Bidet entry level, budget bidet.

The Bio Bidet Slim ONE

See up to the minute price here.

This bidet seat is the best cheap bidet seat out there.

Usually, we wouldn’t recommend anything below $250, as the components and features are, to put it plainly, shit.

However, Bio Bidet was able to create a bidet seat that has more than adequate features as well as high durability.

The Bio Bidet Slim ONE has:

a stainless steel nozzle

front and rear cleansing

pulsating cleanse mode

nozzle oscillation as well as adjustable nozzle position

child mode

turbo mode (for those who really want to live)

a heated seat with adjustable temperature

adjustable water temperature

a nozzle cleaning mode

a night light

and finally, an energy saving eco mode.

Yeah, that’s right.  That is the features list for a bidet that costs less than a family dinner at Ruth’s Chris.

For this price point, there is nothing else I could possibly expect from an electric bidet seat.  The Bio Bidet Slim ONE ticks all the boxes.

The Best TOTO Bidets, 2018

With 2017 way back in the rear-view mirror,  it’s time to start looking into which bidets are the best of 2018 (so far).

Toto has established itself as one of the premier if not the premier bidet manufacturer.

With a lengthy history, going back 100 years, Toto has a legacy of making wonderful bathroom fixtures.

2018 hasn’t been the most exciting year for the guys and gals of Toto’s bidet division.  With continued support of older bidet models,  nothing has happened as far as new washlets or washlet technology popping up on the scene.


However, this isn’t a bad thing. Toto’s lineup of bidets is already stellar, with a bidet to fit any budget and bum.

Here are the best bidets you can buy from Toto in 2018.


In Q1 2018, the Toto C100 still ranks as the best budget bidet you can buy.

Check out the current price of this bad boy here.

It all comes down to the exhaustive features list that truly boggles the mind when you compare it to the price tag.

Of course, it has all the standard features found on any budget bidet worth its salt, such as heated seats, heated water, an eco mode, adjustable nozzle positions and pressure and a self cleaning wand.


That’s where a sane person would assume the features stop.

But they don’t stop.

Toto somehow packs a warm air dryer and a deodorizer into this beast.

It’s as if TOTO wants to gaslight everyone who is interested in buying the C100, the price to performance ratio is just so good, it’s absolutely insane.

You can find models in both the round and elongated sizes, too, so any bowl can become a powerhouse of anal cleaning.

Check out our full review of the Toto C100 here

And for those who are SUPER curious, also see how it compares to the TOTO C200 here



On the other end of the spectrum is Toto’s S550e with eWater+.

Head on over to Amazon to see the current price of the S550e here

This bathroom behemoth comes packed to the brim with features.

In addition to everything the C100 has, the S550e features the use of eWater+ which is electrolyzed water that acts as a surprisingly able disinfectant.


The S550e will squirt that eWater+ all over the bowl before and after each dump session, providing you a much cleaner bowl -without you having to break out the disgusting, poo-water soaked toilet bowl cleaner- when compared to washlets that lack this feature.


The washlet also features a very suave looking remote, a night light and an auto open and close lid.

Besides the eWater+, the other major difference is the instantaneous water heating that provides endless, on demand hot water with no exceptions.  This allows the bidet to be much thinner than its budget bidet brethren.

This is in contrast to the C100’s tank reservoir system, which will still provides a good deal of warm water, but only until the tank is dry.  Consider the S550e if you expect multiple people to be using the toilet in succession.

 

Some may be wondering what difference is between the S550e and the S350e and if it justifies the leap in price.  

The S550e features pulsating and oscillating cleansing modes, whereas the S350e lacks these.

IMHO, oscillation is a MUST. The rapid sweeping of water back and forth removes filth so much better than just a constant spray in the same spot.  Think about how you clean anything with a hose – your car, deck, dog, kids, etc.  You sweep that mother back and forth.

The pulsating spray is also extremely nice to have (especially for us poor folks with a lack of fiber in our diets) as it can help with constipation better than a traditional spray.  This feature isn’t as necessary as oscillation, but it’s a wonderful addition to have.

Oh, it also features a much more attractive lid.

All of these features are worth the price difference.

Overall, the S550e is the best washlet that TOTO currently offers,  and also one of the best bidet seats available for purchase from any brand.

A full review is coming soon, so hold on to yer butts.

BioBidet BB1000 vs. BB2000. A closer look.

Ahhhh, BioBidet.

One of the top contenders in the fight to be recognized as the major player in the battle of the bidets.

Along with the likes of TOTO, Brondell, Novita and others, BioBidet is one of the most prominent manufacturers of bidets – both electric and mechanical – and consistently makes innovative, quality bidets.

Two bidets from BioBidet have left lots of people wondering which one provides the best value: the BB1000 and BB2000.  

See the current price for the BB1000 and BB2000.

Bottom Line Up Front

To save you a smidge of time, I’ll give you the verdict right off the bat:

The BB2000 is a clear winner in every category.  The looks, features and value provided are leagues ahead of the BB1000.

While some of the BB2000’s features aren’t revolutionary, the whole suite is simply a much better package than what you’d get with the BB1000.

Unless you’re truly strapped for cash and have a surprising fondness for the appearance of the BB1000, the BB2000 is definitely the way to go.

Read on to see for yourself how we’ve come to this conclusion.

Major Differences

To make the arduous task of selecting the proper poop-chute shiner a bit more bearable, we’ll start off with the major differences between these titans of tush cleaning.

The Look

The BB1000’s remote (top) looks like an outdated relic compared with the BB2000’s refined lines (bottom).

 

In my opinion, BioBidet have really missed the mark with the BB1000.

It has been compared to a “medical device fit for a retirement home” and honestly, I agree.

It’s big, bulky, sterile-looking (in a repulsive, hospital kinda way) and so far from sexy that giving it an Ed Hardy sleeveless T-shirt and slathering it in hair gel couldn’t make it look worse.

Even the remote for the BB2000 (you can choose either black  or white) looks sleeker and more modern.

The BB2000 however, while not a feast for the eyes, is much more pleasant to behold. 

With some nice curves and a slimmer profile due to its lack of a water heating reservoir, the BB2000 is a bidet seat fit for most toilets.

Instantaneous Heating

Besides the look (and majorly contributing it) of the two bidets, the second major difference between them is the BB2000’s instantaneous heating system versus the BB1000’s reservoir heating system.

When it comes to actually using these two systems, you probably won’t notice much of a difference.

The BB1000 has ample water to clean your rear – unless you expect multiple people to be using the seat in quick succession.  In that case, the latter users may get the shaft as whoever got in there first has most likely used a good deal of the warm water already.

The BB2000 doesn’t encounter this problem as its water is heated instantly and continuously.  Feel euphoric as infinite amounts of warm water caress your ass.

Stainless Steel Nozzle

The BB2000’s stainless steel nozzle is easier to clean and more hygienic.

The BB2000 has a stainless steel nozzle and the BB1000 does not.

In my opinion, a stainless steel nozzle is a feature that any bidet I’m going to buy should have.

Stainless steel is more durable, looks better, is easier to clean and is a more hostile environment for bacteria, viruses and fungi.

Hydro Flush

Cleaning from the inside out, BioBidet claims the BB2000 offers superior hygiene, although the jury is still out on if that’s entirely true.

The BB2000 has this feature, the BB1000 does not.  What it is refers to the way the nozzle of the BB2000 is cleaned by blasting water through the nozzle from the inside-out to more thoroughly sterilize it.

This is opposed to the way most other bidets simply run water over the outside of the nozzle to remove any nasty lil-bits that may have found their way onto the nozz.

Now, whether this is actually going to increase the cleanliness of your dump sessions is still up for debate as other bidets without this feature have been sufficiently cleaning asses for many many years without issue.

The bottom line on this feature is: if it makes you feel more comfortable knowing the inside of the nozzle can be cleaned at will, BioBidet’s Hydro Flush feature may be worth it for you.

Belted Nozzle Cleaning

The motorized nozzles on the BB2000 are able to move more precisely and more quickly than other bidet nozzles.

Basically, this means they can quickly shimmy in and out as the outside is being cleaned with water to more throughly remove anything on the outside of the nozzle.

The motor operated nozzle is also able to be more precisely adjusted than other nozzles, although how much this is going to affect your morning session is up for you to decide.

Most bidets have several positions for the wand/nozzle to allow for a customized fit for each user.  BioBidet’s motorized nozzle technology on the BB2000 allows for much smaller and more precise adjustments.

If you are unable to shimmy your rear a little bit to accommodate one of the BB1000’s preset nozzle positions, the infinitely adjustable BB2000 may be the bidet seat for you.

Night Light

Cool enough to impress any guest.

This is one of the coolest features of the BB2000.  Its cool, blue nightlight illuminates a small control panel on the side of the bidet for easy use even in the darkest, windowless bathrooms.

While it may not seem like a game-changer, a night light really makes your bathroom seem more modern as it is bathed in a calming blue light.

Not only is this useful for your late-night sessions, it’s probably the single most impressive feature for guests who haven’t experienced anything outside of a vanilla toilet.

 

 

At the end of the day, it should be obvious to most that the BB2000 is ultimately the better bidet.

As a bidet is a serious investment of money, you really shouldn’t settle for something unless you’re completely satisfied with the features provided.

If all you want is a bum-gun, there are plenty of other, cheaper bidets that fit the bill. Head on over to our reviews of the TOTO C100 and the Novita Slimline for our favorite budget bidets.

If you’re looking for a premium bidet, the BB2000 is a decent offering from BioBidet.

Also, take a peek at our favorite bidets from last year.

Brondell Thinline SimpleSpa – Review

Brondell Thinline SimpleSpa

Ridiculously inexpensive, smartly designed and simply effective.

More photos and the current price.

A quick look at the pros and cons of Brondell's newest bidet attachment.

Pros:

☑ Some of the most durable valves available - no risk of leaking.
☑ Looks fantastic compared to most other bidet attachments.
☑ Thin enough to not cause toilet seat tilt.
☑ Easy installation.
☑ Cheap
Cons:

☒ Only one nozzle means some shifting is required for a feminine cleanse.
☒ Lack of warm water may bother those sensitive to cold water.
Breakdown

Features: 7.0

Components: 9.0

Usage: 8.5

Misc: Bonus for its sleek appearance.

Total: 8.8
Bottom Line

A classic bidet attachment with modern looks. Don't expect to be blown away by its features list and stay away if warm water and feminine cleansings are a must, but Brondell has nailed the basic bidet attachment. You'd be hard pressed to find a comparably sexy and functional bidet at this price point.


The parts and features of the Brondell Thinline

First, the basics:

  • This is a bidet attachment, not a full bidet seat.
  • There is one nozzle for posterior cleaning.
  • It has a manual nozzle cleaning function.
  • It houses the nozzle behind a guard piece to keep it clean and sanitary for each use.
  • The nozzle automatically retracts after you finish using it.
  • Non-electric (uses only your home’s water pressure to operate).
  • It will fit virtually almost all two-piece toilets.
  • It comes in white only.
  • You will need a screwdriver and possibly a wrench to install.
  • The water pressure is controlled by twisting a knob.
    • Twist right for rear wash, left for nozzle cleaning.
  • One-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Pros:

  • Extremely robust, durable brass and ceramic valves.
    • It’s no surprise that Brondell has included a proprietary, high-quality valve in their new Bidet attachment.  After being in the industry for so long now, the folks over at Brondell have a good idea of what their customers expect.
  • A unique silhouette.
    • Forgoing the traditional egg-shaped control area of most other bidet attachments, Brondell has followed in the footsteps of GenieBidet and the Tushy by prioritizing the look of the unit – leaving us with a very attractive and distinctive model.
  • Extremely thin.
    • Brondell has made a point of making sure this bidet attachment doesn’t throw off the zen of your bathroom experience in any way by making an attachment that sits very comfortably under the lid of your toilet without that classic bidet attachment tilt you might experience with other bidets.  
  • Easy to install.
    • Like most bidet attachments, it will take around ten minutes to install.
    • Can be adjusted to fit nearly any toilet.  Brondell uses adjustable plates with slots to ensure it will fit no matter the dimensions of your seat’s attachment (as long as it is a two-piece toilet).
  • An one-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Cons:

  • No warm water option.
    • Definitely an issue if you live in colder areas.  The icy blast of H2O up the wazoo can be startling at best, an icy terror at worst.
  • Only one nozzle.
    • For men, no issue at all, but for women looking for a more sanitary rear AND frontal cleanse, this could be an issue.  Some scooting and shifting around solves the problem, but there are definitely other bidets which may not be quite as sexy, but can deliver frontal and rear cleansing for the same price.

Final Thoughts:

Brondell is upping their bidet attachment game and certainly raising the bar for many of the other companies who’ve been content with the same, tired designs for years now.  This bidet would suit those who are looking for an inexpensive, sleek looking bidet. If you don’t mind seasonally chilly water or shifting around a bit to get a proper feminine cleanse, definitely consider the Slimline.  If not, consider looking at the GenieBidet for a dual nozzle model (feminine and rear cleansing but trades the warm water feature for sheer sexiness) or the Luxe Neo 320 for a fully featured, if somewhat dated looking attachment.

Check out the Brondell Slimline’s price HERE.

Christmas Gifting: Why a Bidet Makes Sense

Hearing Bing Crosby croon how he’s dreaming of a white Christmas, I am immediately sure the white he’s talking about isn’t toilet paper.

In fact, many music historians agree, it’s most likely the white porcelain throne and the missing bidet that he’s longing for with all his heart.

 


I know people get annoyed at society at large for dragging the Christmas decorations out earlier and  earlier, radio stations starting 24/7 broadcasts of the halcyon songs of Yuletides past and malls and shopping centers opting to marginalize – or skip over completely – Thanksgiving in favor of its more lucrative holiday competitor.

There is, however, no point too early to start considering your budget when it comes to gift giving.  Seriously, You Need a Budget.

How could a bidet possibly justify itself as a gift?  What will your friends, family or colleagues think upon shredding the festive wrapping paper to find a posterior polisher inside?

This article aims to answer those questions as well as to give some bidet suggestions for those tough to buy for.

Here are the reasons a bidet makes a perfect, unforgettable gift.


Affordable!

  • Yes, bidets have become extremely afforda

    The Luxe Bidet 320. Best bidet attachment out there and sure to warm the hearts and asses of any and all who receive one this holiday season.

    ble.  For those on a strict budget, you can snag a very inexpensive, effective and easy to install bidet attachment.

    • Bidet attachments that I would recommend range from $25~$80
    • For the lowest possible price, choose the Astor Bidet Attachment or the Chrider Bidet with self cleaning function.
    • For looks, take a gander at the GenieBidet or the Tushy.
    • And if you want the absolute best bidet attachment for your peeps, the Luxe Bidet Neo 320 is what you should be getting.  It packs hot and cold water, a lovely lever control as well as feminine and rear cleansing options.

Check our ever growing list of bidet attachment reviews HERE!  Includes all but the Chrider Bidet, which we’re currently working on.

  • For those with a bit more leeway when it comes to your gifting budget, an entry level electric bidet will completely blow your recipients’ minds.  
    • For the absolute most inexpensive yet badass electric bidet, pick up the SmartBidet SB-1000 which includes a remote.
    • Looks-wise, the Novita Slimline is so sexy, you might get suspicious if someone takes a little extra time to use it….
    • The best entry level bidet seat is the TOTO C100  It has everything you’d want in a bidet seat…..AND MORE.  Really, check it out.

The recipient will actually use this thing!

Yes, we all know there’s nothing better than giving a gift that actually gets used and is appreciated.  From food and alcohol (seriously, just get me some whisky or beef jerky and I’ll love you forever) to external hard-drives and TVs – useful gifts rule.

You will feel so absolutely giddy hearing your giftees talk about how freaking astonishing using their new gift has been.  While you might not like all the details and information about their usage that they give you, just grin and bear it, as you can rest easy knowing you’ve changed a life or two.

Bidets are not only useful, they’re an investment.  The savings in toilet paper is fantastic as are the savings in time and aggravation.  Gone are experiences like this:

Also, as an added bonus, offer your hand at installation (give them time to make sure their toilet is clean first, don’t want to embarrass anyone), especially if the person you’re giving it to is a chronic procrastinator or isn’t confident in their plumbing ability.


It’s unique!

This probably should have been first on the list, but jeez-louise, who would ever predict a bidet to be inside the lovely, wrapped box?

The look on the face of your loved-one might be worth the price of admission alone!

Sure, they may seem shocked at first, but rest assured, as you go on to explain the benefits of a bidet and once they start imagining themselves using it – it’s game over, they’re going to be infatuated already.


People love upgrades, especially to their home.  The bidet is a perfect way for someone you hold dear to do that.

A bidet is more than an ass-sprayer, it’s a way to say “I love you”. <3

Which Bidet Seat / Washlet is the Best in 2018?

 

2017 has faded into yesteryear and we are finally warming up into the spring of 2018, but many of last year’s best bidets are still just that… The best bidets.

Take a look at what reigned supreme last year in these two categories:

Best Overall 

Best Bang For Your Buck.


Best Bidets 2018

These bidets are the premium, no holds barred whizzes that will vie with your children and pets for attention.  These beasts not only tickle the fancies of premium gadget-lovers, but also those who have an affinity for strong construction and high quality materials.


Brondell Swash 1400

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This bidet suits couples and families who are willing to spend a fair amount for a durable, attractive bidet that should last many many years.
It covers all the bases when it comes to multi-user usage – a rear and (improved from the Swash 1000) feminine wand as well as an auto wash and dry mode that is great for kids.
This bidet is also perfect for those who simply want the best, no matter the expense.  Brondell is a very well regarded company and this is their flagship bidet seat that compromises on very little.

 

Brondell has been in the Game of Bidets since 2003 and has consistently been one of the top manufacturers of washlets in the United States.  With their new Swash 1400 bidet seat, Brondell have proven why they are held in such high regard among us bidetophiles (there are dozens of us!).

The Brondell Swash 1400 washlet bidet seat comes in two colors, white and biscuit.

Biscuit on the left, white on the right.

Designed with North American toilets in mind, the Swash 1400 should fit nearly any elongated or round toilet in the USA in terms of size, shape and color (it comes in both white and an off-white cutely labeled as ‘biscuit’).

Its smooth, contoured lines help the 1400 beautifully pair with any toilet and any bathroom.

In addition, the power cord and hose can be hidden away in a compartment in the rear of the seat, which will keep your bathroom from looking like the elastic jungle in Nickelodeon’s GUTS.

Along with its extremely sexy looks, the Swash 1400 packs an incredible features list that has nearly everything a bidet seat could possibly have.

It sports: 

Two stainless steel wands (for both posterior and feminine cleansing) that resist corrosion, bacteria and virus contamination.

The Swash 1400 has a blue night light feature that illuminates the bowl at night.

Adjustable spray width that allows a concentrated stream for those extra clingy peanut butter episodes to a much wider spray for gentle cleaning of a larger area and also a setting between the two for that Goldilocks in the family.  This is a very impressive feature and a remarkable piece of engineering.

An easily replaceable and surprisingly effective deodorizer whisk the smells of last night’s digested lasagna through an activated carbon filter, providing astoundingly breathable air.  This is a major upgrade from the older Swash 1000 model which didn’t allow for user replacement of the filter.

A warm air dryer for a completely hands-off, butt-cleaning experience.

A blue night light to help you find the pot in the middle of the night.

Programmable settings for up to two users to eliminate having to adjust the settings to your liking after Uncle John messed them all up when he had his morning BM. There is also an “auto” mode which will run through a full cleaning and drying cycle so anyone can easily experience the splendor of a completely clean tooter.

Remote control and magnetic docking station keeps your remote control easily accessible.

Ceramic core heating system allows for instant and unlimited warm/hot water.  This system is remarkably effective and outclasses most other on-demand heating systems available from other brands.

The only gripe I have with this bidet seat is the lack of a pulsating spray feature (great for relief of constipation).

All in all, this bidet sets the bar at a lofty height and ticks nearly all the boxes any great bidet should be striving to fill.  It’s built with quality materials and sounds construction, the features are all useful and lastly, it looks absolutely fantastic on any toilet.


 

TOTO Washlet S350e

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This is the perfect bidet for those who want a more automated, smart-toilet experience.  Features such as the auto open/close lid and the ewater+ bowl misting (essentially cleans your toilet bowl periodically throughout the day) truly project the feeling of living in the future.
The S350 is absolutely packed to the rim with technology fit to impress Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.  It is truly the Tesla of Toilets.
Much like the Brondell, the S350 suits multiple user households, however it isn’t quite as child friendly as the Brondell with no auto wash/dry cycle button.  If you have young children and want them initiated into the Bidet Club, then the  S350 might make it a smidge more difficult.
Once again, this bidet is for those who want the absolute best in class when it comes to bidets.  The TOTO S350 even outclasses the Brondell in the sheer volume of features.  Read on and decide for yourself if they’re worth it.
The TOTO S350 is 3.9 inches in height.

It’s just so slim!

 

TOTO is probably the name most people think of when electronic bidet seats or washlets are mentioned.  As a matter of fact, TOTO coined the term “washlet” in 1980 and has sold 30 million of them since.

Unlike the Brondell Swash 1400, the TOTO S350 hasn’t been designed with the North American bathroom in mind.

However, don’t let that deter you, as toilet sizes/shapes as well as connections are pretty universal and the S350 is available in both round and elongated versions (the “e” in the S350e stands for the elongated version).

This washlet is slim and somehow houses all of its tricks inside a shell only 3.9 inches high.

While (in my opinion) not as stylish as the Brondell, the TOTO does just as good of a job at keeping your bathroom looking neat and tidy, with both water and electric attachments coming from the right side of the washlet, allowing for easy cable management.

Now, on to the MASSIVE features list.  Hold onto yer butts.

It sports: 

One adjustable plastic wand which may seem like a huge step down from the Brondell’s two stainless steel nozzles (which I prefer), but TOTO’s inclusion of an advanced water electrolysis system makes up for it (more on that, later!).

The soft exterior night-light is visible on the left side of the unit.

The soft exterior night-light is visible on the left side of the unit.

ewater+ water electrolysis system creates electrolysed water which, according to Wikipedia is “a known cleanser and disinfectant / sanitizer.”  This water is used to spray both your bowl and the plastic nozzle, cleaning much more effectively than standard tap water.

Automatic open/close lid will allow for a completely hands-free experience and is just pretty damn futuristic when you actually experience it.  It’s as if the toilet has been waiting excitedly for you to mount and make your daily doody deposit.  For those of us that pee whilst standing, a button on the top of the remote can also raise the seat.

Wider “Soft Rear Cleanse” option which widens the spray to provide a less direct, more soothing spray for sensitive heinies.

A night light built into the side of the toilet will illuminate the area to the left of the toilet as well as the bowl, like the Brondell.  The soft light on the side is actually quite useful and gives the TOTO the edge over the Swash 1400 in this category.

Programmable settings for up to two users – just like the Brondell.

Remote control which features a very basic (in a good way) front panel with the most frequently used options – front and rear cleanse, dryer and the stop button.  On the sides are buttons to control the pressure, wand position and to toggle the oscillating and pulsating features.  The back of the remote has a somewhat old-school LCD panel for controlling temperature (water and dryer), adjusting the lighting options and creating user profiles.

The front and back of the TOTO S350 remoteThe deodorizer will keep your bathroom smelling less crappy.  While not quite as effective as the Brondell’s, you don’t need to replace it as often and can simply clean the filter occasionally.

On demand hot water much like the Brondell.  Water is not stored and heated in a reservoir, but instantly heated as it passes from your water supply, through the unit to bathe your bum in perfectly warm water every time you use it.

Bowl premist uses the ewater+ to mist the bowl when you sit down to grease up the bowl to prevent unsightly poo-stains.  The unit also sprays after each use and intermittently throughout the day to keep it noticeably cleaner.  This is about as close as you’re going to get to a mini Roomba (Poomba, anyone?) that cleans your toilet bowl.

A warm air dryer.  Does what is says…eventually.  Like most bidet seats, the dryer is essentially a slightly better bathroom hand dryer, so don’t expect a bone-dry ass in fewer than two or three minutes.

With every conceivable feature packed into one of the smallest electric bidets on the market, the only issue with the TOTO S350 is it’s price.  If that doesn’t bother you and you’re in the market for an electric bidet seat, then you better hurry up and buy this thing because you will certainly get what you paid for.


Best Budget Bidets 2018

These are the Honda Civics of bidets.  They balance price to performance by sacrificing some of the bells and whistles of their more expensive counterparts.  For most users, you probably won’t need more than what these wonderful bidets have to offer.


Novita Slimline BN-330

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This bidet seat packs many of the features of more pricey models (including on-demand heated water!!!) for less than half the price.  It’s also quite attractive for its price point as well as slim (who woulda guessed with a name like that).
The major missing feature here would be a deodorizer, so, if that doesn’t bug you and you simply want a bidet that cleans your ass and cleans it well, consider the Novita Slimline.

Novita Slimline Bidet

 

Novita is a a subsidiary of Kohler, whom you may have heard of.  Novita is one of South Korea’s leading bidet manufacturers and has a long and established track record dating back to its founding in 1984.

With the Slimline BN-330, Novita has really taken their engineering to another level and have been able to inexpensively create an electric bidet seat which has a very small form factor and includes nearly all the key features of much more expensive bidets.

Lacking a remote (the bidet is controlled with an attached side panel, instead) and a deodorizer, this bidet has cut a few corners to bring you the best butt-blasting experience for a bargain price.

Read on to see what features you get with the Novita Slimline.

It sports: 

Two stainless steel wands is an impressive package for a bargain bidet to come packing.  Seperate nozzles for rear and frontal cleansing make sure that each area gets that nice does of TLC that it deserves.

Instantaneous heating system provides warm water on demand and doesn’t ever run out, unlike a reservoir system which might come up short in multi-user households.  I feel like it is worth noting that most other bidets in this price range feature a tank-reservoir system and Novita is really giving users a wonderful feature for such a low cost.

A warm air dryer is another nice feature that many budget-friendly bidets lack.  Although, as always, don’t expect it to blow you away and prepare to wait a little while if you want a truly TP-less experience.

Strong, sit-able lid gives peace-of-mind to those who often find themselves seated on the lid applying those final touches of makeup, drying their hair or whatever else.

Oscillation and aeration make for a very pleasant cleaning experience.  The oscillating nozzles can cover a larger area and more easily provide that spotless butt that we’ve all been seeking.  The aerated water gives the stream a more gentle feeling with less splash and splatter.

Feast your eyes on those smooth lines.

For what it costs, the Novita Slimline provides such a huge value that it’s almost impossible for a beginner bidet-er to pass up.  The instantaneous hot water and the Novita’s striking appearance are the two best features and are already close to covering the cost of admission. Don’t forget to check out our full review of the Novita Slimline!


TOTO Washlet C100

First things first, who is this bidet for?

 

Oh boy, this bidet is for almost anyone.
Really, this thing is just great and is a legend in the world of bidets.
Get this bidet if you want all the features of a much more expensive bidet minus instantaneous heating.  If you live in a house where multiple people use the toilet in quick succession, then the tank-heating might be an issue, but if you have a small number of people in your home, then this bidet could fulfill all your wildest toilet fantasies.

The TOTO C100 with attached panel control.

 

Once again, TOTO brings another titan into the neverending battle of the bidets.  With all its years of experience designing and manufacturing bidets, TOTO has been able to somehow slip so many features into this bad boy that it’ll blow your freaking mind.

Containing everything but instantaneous water heating, the TOTO C100 gives other bidets in higher price ranges a serious run for their money.

This is another remote-less bidet seat, opting instead for a connected side panel.  This might turn a few people off, but in all honesty, I really like  the look of it on this TOTO.

It really makes you feel like you’re in a futuristic Tokyo restroom taking the best dump of your life.

Here are all the features this jack-of-all-trades bidet dude brings to the table.

It sports: 

One plastic wand nozzle which can clean both front and rear areas effectively due to its multiple nozzles.

Tank-reservoir heating system utilizes a large tank to hold and heat water – even when you aren’t using the toilet – so that you will, in most cases, have a decent supply of warm water ready to go.

In special circumstances (house-wide food poisoning, anyone?) where there is a mad run on the bathroom, the tank might deplete it’s warm water supply under heavy use.

In this case, you might have to deal with some lukewarm or even chilly water.  Barring acts of God like that, however, the C100 should have sufficient hot water. 

A warm air dryer is packed into the rear of the seat and does just as well as more expensive bidets at completely drying you off sometime before your 100th birthday.

A deodorizer has also found a home in the C100.  Somehow, the brains at TOTO found a way to squash both a dryer and deodorizer into this absurdly cheap bidet.

Premist bowl-spraying just like its more expensive siblings.  The premist does a surprisingly good job of keeping the toilet clean and I think it’s a very worthwhile feature.

Oscillating cleanse.  Like nearly all bidet seats, the TOTO C100 has an oscillating cleaning function to sweep the area with water to fully blast any and all nooks and crannies where turds may be trying to hide.

Toto C100 Washlet

 

With high-end features like a dryer, deodorizer and a pre-mist function, the TOTO C100 clearly punches well above its weight.  Once again, the only thing holding it back is the lack of an on-demand water heating system, but that shouldn’t be an issue in most cases. Read our TOTO C100 Review and our TOTO C100 vs. the TOTO C200 Head to Head.


All in all, there are many many bidets out there, and they’re all competing for your hard earned cash.  I hope this guide will help you narrow down your choices to the electric bidets that I believe outrank the rest in their respective categories.  Hopefully now you have a bit more confidence in selecting a bidet so that you can ditch the TP and toilet seat and start pooping like a king.

As always, comments are very appreciated.  Any bidet you’d like to see reviewed or do you think a different bidet should occupy one of these spots?

Let me know, I’d love to heard from you.

Cheers, and happy bidet-ing.

If you’re more interested in bidet attachments, come see our list of the best of the bunch.