Which Bidet Seat / Washlet is the Best in 2018?

 

2017 has faded into yesteryear and we are finally warming up into the spring of 2018, but many of last year’s best bidets are still just that… The best bidets.

Take a look at what reigned supreme last year in these two categories:

Best Overall 

Best Bang For Your Buck.


Best Bidets 2018

These bidets are the premium, no holds barred whizzes that will vie with your children and pets for attention.  These beasts not only tickle the fancies of premium gadget-lovers, but also those who have an affinity for strong construction and high quality materials.


Brondell Swash 1400

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This bidet suits couples and families who are willing to spend a fair amount for a durable, attractive bidet that should last many many years.
It covers all the bases when it comes to multi-user usage – a rear and (improved from the Swash 1000) feminine wand as well as an auto wash and dry mode that is great for kids.
This bidet is also perfect for those who simply want the best, no matter the expense.  Brondell is a very well regarded company and this is their flagship bidet seat that compromises on very little.

 

Brondell has been in the Game of Bidets since 2003 and has consistently been one of the top manufacturers of washlets in the United States.  With their new Swash 1400 bidet seat, Brondell have proven why they are held in such high regard among us bidetophiles (there are dozens of us!).

The Brondell Swash 1400 washlet bidet seat comes in two colors, white and biscuit.

Biscuit on the left, white on the right.

Designed with North American toilets in mind, the Swash 1400 should fit nearly any elongated or round toilet in the USA in terms of size, shape and color (it comes in both white and an off-white cutely labeled as ‘biscuit’).

Its smooth, contoured lines help the 1400 beautifully pair with any toilet and any bathroom.

In addition, the power cord and hose can be hidden away in a compartment in the rear of the seat, which will keep your bathroom from looking like the elastic jungle in Nickelodeon’s GUTS.

Along with its extremely sexy looks, the Swash 1400 packs an incredible features list that has nearly everything a bidet seat could possibly have.

It sports: 

Two stainless steel wands (for both posterior and feminine cleansing) that resist corrosion, bacteria and virus contamination.

The Swash 1400 has a blue night light feature that illuminates the bowl at night.

Adjustable spray width that allows a concentrated stream for those extra clingy peanut butter episodes to a much wider spray for gentle cleaning of a larger area and also a setting between the two for that Goldilocks in the family.  This is a very impressive feature and a remarkable piece of engineering.

An easily replaceable and surprisingly effective deodorizer whisk the smells of last night’s digested lasagna through an activated carbon filter, providing astoundingly breathable air.  This is a major upgrade from the older Swash 1000 model which didn’t allow for user replacement of the filter.

A warm air dryer for a completely hands-off, butt-cleaning experience.

A blue night light to help you find the pot in the middle of the night.

Programmable settings for up to two users to eliminate having to adjust the settings to your liking after Uncle John messed them all up when he had his morning BM. There is also an “auto” mode which will run through a full cleaning and drying cycle so anyone can easily experience the splendor of a completely clean tooter.

Remote control and magnetic docking station keeps your remote control easily accessible.

Ceramic core heating system allows for instant and unlimited warm/hot water.  This system is remarkably effective and outclasses most other on-demand heating systems available from other brands.

The only gripe I have with this bidet seat is the lack of a pulsating spray feature (great for relief of constipation).

All in all, this bidet sets the bar at a lofty height and ticks nearly all the boxes any great bidet should be striving to fill.  It’s built with quality materials and sounds construction, the features are all useful and lastly, it looks absolutely fantastic on any toilet.


 

TOTO Washlet S350e

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This is the perfect bidet for those who want a more automated, smart-toilet experience.  Features such as the auto open/close lid and the ewater+ bowl misting (essentially cleans your toilet bowl periodically throughout the day) truly project the feeling of living in the future.
The S350 is absolutely packed to the rim with technology fit to impress Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.  It is truly the Tesla of Toilets.
Much like the Brondell, the S350 suits multiple user households, however it isn’t quite as child friendly as the Brondell with no auto wash/dry cycle button.  If you have young children and want them initiated into the Bidet Club, then the  S350 might make it a smidge more difficult.
Once again, this bidet is for those who want the absolute best in class when it comes to bidets.  The TOTO S350 even outclasses the Brondell in the sheer volume of features.  Read on and decide for yourself if they’re worth it.
The TOTO S350 is 3.9 inches in height.

It’s just so slim!

 

TOTO is probably the name most people think of when electronic bidet seats or washlets are mentioned.  As a matter of fact, TOTO coined the term “washlet” in 1980 and has sold 30 million of them since.

Unlike the Brondell Swash 1400, the TOTO S350 hasn’t been designed with the North American bathroom in mind.

However, don’t let that deter you, as toilet sizes/shapes as well as connections are pretty universal and the S350 is available in both round and elongated versions (the “e” in the S350e stands for the elongated version).

This washlet is slim and somehow houses all of its tricks inside a shell only 3.9 inches high.

While (in my opinion) not as stylish as the Brondell, the TOTO does just as good of a job at keeping your bathroom looking neat and tidy, with both water and electric attachments coming from the right side of the washlet, allowing for easy cable management.

Now, on to the MASSIVE features list.  Hold onto yer butts.

It sports: 

One adjustable plastic wand which may seem like a huge step down from the Brondell’s two stainless steel nozzles (which I prefer), but TOTO’s inclusion of an advanced water electrolysis system makes up for it (more on that, later!).

The soft exterior night-light is visible on the left side of the unit.

The soft exterior night-light is visible on the left side of the unit.

ewater+ water electrolysis system creates electrolysed water which, according to Wikipedia is “a known cleanser and disinfectant / sanitizer.”  This water is used to spray both your bowl and the plastic nozzle, cleaning much more effectively than standard tap water.

Automatic open/close lid will allow for a completely hands-free experience and is just pretty damn futuristic when you actually experience it.  It’s as if the toilet has been waiting excitedly for you to mount and make your daily doody deposit.  For those of us that pee whilst standing, a button on the top of the remote can also raise the seat.

Wider “Soft Rear Cleanse” option which widens the spray to provide a less direct, more soothing spray for sensitive heinies.

A night light built into the side of the toilet will illuminate the area to the left of the toilet as well as the bowl, like the Brondell.  The soft light on the side is actually quite useful and gives the TOTO the edge over the Swash 1400 in this category.

Programmable settings for up to two users – just like the Brondell.

Remote control which features a very basic (in a good way) front panel with the most frequently used options – front and rear cleanse, dryer and the stop button.  On the sides are buttons to control the pressure, wand position and to toggle the oscillating and pulsating features.  The back of the remote has a somewhat old-school LCD panel for controlling temperature (water and dryer), adjusting the lighting options and creating user profiles.

The front and back of the TOTO S350 remoteThe deodorizer will keep your bathroom smelling less crappy.  While not quite as effective as the Brondell’s, you don’t need to replace it as often and can simply clean the filter occasionally.

On demand hot water much like the Brondell.  Water is not stored and heated in a reservoir, but instantly heated as it passes from your water supply, through the unit to bathe your bum in perfectly warm water every time you use it.

Bowl premist uses the ewater+ to mist the bowl when you sit down to grease up the bowl to prevent unsightly poo-stains.  The unit also sprays after each use and intermittently throughout the day to keep it noticeably cleaner.  This is about as close as you’re going to get to a mini Roomba (Poomba, anyone?) that cleans your toilet bowl.

A warm air dryer.  Does what is says…eventually.  Like most bidet seats, the dryer is essentially a slightly better bathroom hand dryer, so don’t expect a bone-dry ass in fewer than two or three minutes.

With every conceivable feature packed into one of the smallest electric bidets on the market, the only issue with the TOTO S350 is it’s price.  If that doesn’t bother you and you’re in the market for an electric bidet seat, then you better hurry up and buy this thing because you will certainly get what you paid for.


Best Budget Bidets 2018

These are the Honda Civics of bidets.  They balance price to performance by sacrificing some of the bells and whistles of their more expensive counterparts.  For most users, you probably won’t need more than what these wonderful bidets have to offer.


Novita Slimline BN-330

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This bidet seat packs many of the features of more pricey models (including on-demand heated water!!!) for less than half the price.  It’s also quite attractive for its price point as well as slim (who woulda guessed with a name like that).
The major missing feature here would be a deodorizer, so, if that doesn’t bug you and you simply want a bidet that cleans your ass and cleans it well, consider the Novita Slimline.

Novita Slimline Bidet

 

Novita is a a subsidiary of Kohler, whom you may have heard of.  Novita is one of South Korea’s leading bidet manufacturers and has a long and established track record dating back to its founding in 1984.

With the Slimline BN-330, Novita has really taken their engineering to another level and have been able to inexpensively create an electric bidet seat which has a very small form factor and includes nearly all the key features of much more expensive bidets.

Lacking a remote (the bidet is controlled with an attached side panel, instead) and a deodorizer, this bidet has cut a few corners to bring you the best butt-blasting experience for a bargain price.

Read on to see what features you get with the Novita Slimline.

It sports: 

Two stainless steel wands is an impressive package for a bargain bidet to come packing.  Seperate nozzles for rear and frontal cleansing make sure that each area gets that nice does of TLC that it deserves.

Instantaneous heating system provides warm water on demand and doesn’t ever run out, unlike a reservoir system which might come up short in multi-user households.  I feel like it is worth noting that most other bidets in this price range feature a tank-reservoir system and Novita is really giving users a wonderful feature for such a low cost.

A warm air dryer is another nice feature that many budget-friendly bidets lack.  Although, as always, don’t expect it to blow you away and prepare to wait a little while if you want a truly TP-less experience.

Strong, sit-able lid gives peace-of-mind to those who often find themselves seated on the lid applying those final touches of makeup, drying their hair or whatever else.

Oscillation and aeration make for a very pleasant cleaning experience.  The oscillating nozzles can cover a larger area and more easily provide that spotless butt that we’ve all been seeking.  The aerated water gives the stream a more gentle feeling with less splash and splatter.

Feast your eyes on those smooth lines.

For what it costs, the Novita Slimline provides such a huge value that it’s almost impossible for a beginner bidet-er to pass up.  The instantaneous hot water and the Novita’s striking appearance are the two best features and are already close to covering the cost of admission. Don’t forget to check out our full review of the Novita Slimline!


TOTO Washlet C100

First things first, who is this bidet for?

 

Oh boy, this bidet is for almost anyone.
Really, this thing is just great and is a legend in the world of bidets.
Get this bidet if you want all the features of a much more expensive bidet minus instantaneous heating.  If you live in a house where multiple people use the toilet in quick succession, then the tank-heating might be an issue, but if you have a small number of people in your home, then this bidet could fulfill all your wildest toilet fantasies.

The TOTO C100 with attached panel control.

 

Once again, TOTO brings another titan into the neverending battle of the bidets.  With all its years of experience designing and manufacturing bidets, TOTO has been able to somehow slip so many features into this bad boy that it’ll blow your freaking mind.

Containing everything but instantaneous water heating, the TOTO C100 gives other bidets in higher price ranges a serious run for their money.

This is another remote-less bidet seat, opting instead for a connected side panel.  This might turn a few people off, but in all honesty, I really like  the look of it on this TOTO.

It really makes you feel like you’re in a futuristic Tokyo restroom taking the best dump of your life.

Here are all the features this jack-of-all-trades bidet dude brings to the table.

It sports: 

One plastic wand nozzle which can clean both front and rear areas effectively due to its multiple nozzles.

Tank-reservoir heating system utilizes a large tank to hold and heat water – even when you aren’t using the toilet – so that you will, in most cases, have a decent supply of warm water ready to go.

In special circumstances (house-wide food poisoning, anyone?) where there is a mad run on the bathroom, the tank might deplete it’s warm water supply under heavy use.

In this case, you might have to deal with some lukewarm or even chilly water.  Barring acts of God like that, however, the C100 should have sufficient hot water. 

A warm air dryer is packed into the rear of the seat and does just as well as more expensive bidets at completely drying you off sometime before your 100th birthday.

A deodorizer has also found a home in the C100.  Somehow, the brains at TOTO found a way to squash both a dryer and deodorizer into this absurdly cheap bidet.

Premist bowl-spraying just like its more expensive siblings.  The premist does a surprisingly good job of keeping the toilet clean and I think it’s a very worthwhile feature.

Oscillating cleanse.  Like nearly all bidet seats, the TOTO C100 has an oscillating cleaning function to sweep the area with water to fully blast any and all nooks and crannies where turds may be trying to hide.

Toto C100 Washlet

 

With high-end features like a dryer, deodorizer and a pre-mist function, the TOTO C100 clearly punches well above its weight.  Once again, the only thing holding it back is the lack of an on-demand water heating system, but that shouldn’t be an issue in most cases. Read our TOTO C100 Review and our TOTO C100 vs. the TOTO C200 Head to Head.


All in all, there are many many bidets out there, and they’re all competing for your hard earned cash.  I hope this guide will help you narrow down your choices to the electric bidets that I believe outrank the rest in their respective categories.  Hopefully now you have a bit more confidence in selecting a bidet so that you can ditch the TP and toilet seat and start pooping like a king.

As always, comments are very appreciated.  Any bidet you’d like to see reviewed or do you think a different bidet should occupy one of these spots?

Let me know, I’d love to heard from you.

Cheers, and happy bidet-ing.

If you’re more interested in bidet attachments, come see our list of the best of the bunch.

Aqua Nexis Handheld Bidet Toilet Sprayer – Review

Pros:

☑ Made from stainless steel and brass - very durable.
☑ Mounts onto toilet easily.
☑ Easy operation.
☑ Easy installation.
☑ Cheap
Cons:

☒ A bit tough to squeeze between your legs when using it as a bidet.
☒ Not much different than your typical kitchen sprayer.
Breakdown

Features: 6.5

Components: 8.3

Usage: 7.5

Misc: Bonus points for the perfect, sexy spray pattern.

Total: 7.1
Bottom Line

If you want something that is easy to use, can fill multiple bathroom roles, will last a long time and gets the job done reasonably well, the Aqua Nexis may be for you. If you're looking for a great bidet, you may want something more tailored to butt spraying. The Aqua Nexis is a good, durable sprayer, but that's really all that can be said about it as it lacks innovation or specialization.

See the Aqua Nexis for yourself on Amazon

The Aqua Nexis Handheld Bidet (or shataff, if you’re so inclined) is the bidet for those if us that want a multi purpose hand sprayer and who don’t want to spend too much of our hard-earned moolah on other poo-pals.  The Aqua Nexis can be had for south of $50 and fills the roll of bidet, diaper sprayer and toilet/sink cleaner.

Features

The aqua nexus includes a bidet sprayer, 4 ft hose, t valve and a sprayer holder

Aqua Nexis’ Handheld Bidet Sprayer might look just like a normal kitchen sink sprayer….and it kinda is.  This ins’t to say it doesn’t have the features to justify hooking this creamy lil guy up to your water supply and letting him live rent-free on your toilet.  First, this sprayer has a really beautiful spray – it’s as if a  Doric column of perfectly aerated water is erupting from the nozzle.  Honestly, it’s gorgeous and feels pretty damn good on the ol’ patoot.  The water pressure can be controlled by the handle on the sprayer as well as the lever on the t-valve (although this is a bit finicky).  The sprayer is also solidly constructed from solid stainless steel (no chrome coating on this guy), but more on that later.

The unit can be attached to your water supply by hooking into the same source your toilet uses to deliver water to the tank.  Installation is incredibly easy and may take as few as three minutes if you’ve invested heavily in your dexterity trait. The included four foot hose is a good length and causes no issues.  The sprayer handle is also functional and will hold the bottom of the handle while allowing you to easily grasp the rest of the sprayer when you’re ready to use it.

The list of features may be short, but the unit does everything it promises.  If you’ve ever wanted a kitchen sprayer with a narrower, more powerful stream attached to your toilet, the Aqua Nexus fits the bill.

Construction

Stainless steel, baby!

Stainless steel.  All over.

The four foot hose and sprayer are both solid stainless steel and look/feel extremely durable.  The sprayer feels great in the hand and has a heft to it that lends a feeling of quality to it.  The handle which controls the flow of water also feels great when used.  The inner valve is tough and takes just the right amount of force to open.  Also, there is a satisfying little click of metal on metal when you release the handle and the valve is closed.  Mmmmmm.

The t-valve is another husky fella.  As soon as you pick it up, you can feel that it is solid brass and well built.  A nice, smooth feeling when manipulating the lever seals the deal – it’s a good t-valve.

The sprayer holder is also stainless steel and holds the sprayer admirably.

Overall, this is a very strong unit.

Usage

Shelly is enthusiastic about not only her own, but also her friends’ and family’s heinie hygiene. Be like Shelly.

Spraying with the Aqua Nexis is pretty straightforward.  Grasp the handle, point it at whatever needs spraying (diapers, ass, a dirty toilet) and then, simply, spray.  The pressure can be controlled with the amount of force you use to squeeze the handle.  Squeeze more for higher pressure, less for less.  This isn’t quite as easy as some other specialized handheld bidets (like the Aquaus 360 – Check out our review here) but it serves its function as a bidet well.

Now, most people will either clean from the front or back (I have yet to meet someone who swoops in from the side.) and both ways are quite easy, although I personally find coming in from the front to be  more comfortable.  Getting the aim right can be a trick the first few times you use it.  Expect some soaked buns until you get used to the angle that works for you.

The Aqua Nexis is also tagged as a diaper sprayer.  Unfortunately, I’m without diapers that need spraying; however, I’d imagine it’d work very well as far as that’s concerned.  The stream is powerful and well aerated so I wouldn’t imagine there’d be much of an issue with splashback.


The Aqua Nexis Handheld Bidet is a very basic, functional shataff.  It’s easy to use and install.  It cleans well and has a great spray.  It is also well made and seems like a bidet sprayer that will last a long time.  I believe there are other handheld bidets that function better in the bidet category, but this sprayer can take care of a host of other functions very well.  Pick this up if you like the utilitarian look, need something durable and intuitive.

Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet For Faucet – Review

Connect directly to your faucet.

Connect directly to your faucet.

Pros:

☑ Incredibly easy installation.
☑ Can find the perfect water temperature.
☑ Still able to use your sink normally.
☑ Great wand/nozzle operation with ingenious 360 degree thumb control.
☑ Durable components.
Cons:

☒ Metallic coating easily chips.
☒ Hose and faucet attachment clutter your sink area.
Breakdown

Features: 8.0

Components: 7.5

Usage: 9.2

Misc: Bonus points for ease of installation and niche filling.

Total: 8.4
Bottom Line

The Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet For Faucets is a clever device that functions very well and can be effortlessly installed and operated by anyone, nearly anywhere, with only your thumb. Fantastic for those who find themselves frequently in hotels. Slightly annoying cosmetic damage can occur and it can be obtrusive for those looking for a permanent home-bidet solution, however, as the hose and faucet attachment take up valuable sink-space.

Check out the Aquaus 360 For Faucets on Amazon.

Manufactured by RinseWorks, a small Floridian company, the Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet is a novel and convenient, if somewhat obtrusive handheld bidet (also known as a shattaf).  With the 360 For Faucets, RinseWorks has forgone linking the bidet to the water supply directly via a t-adapter, and opted for connecting right to the faucet in your bathroom’s sink.

Features

The valve that attaches to the sink is sturdy and well-made.

The valve that attaches to the sink is sturdy and well-made.

Rinseworks has put a lot of effort into making their Aquaus 360 line of handheld bidets tick all of the boxes when it comes to affordable dingleberry removers.  First, as previously mentioned, it is easily attached to nearly any threaded sink which has a large  large (15/16) aerator gauge, instead of tapping into the water line directly (if you have a small (13/16) aerator gauge, your local hardware store should have an adapter for you).  This valve can easily switch between feeding your faucet or bidet water – just flip the switch.  This should appeal to those who don’t want to deal with the minor plumbing required to attach a bidet to the water lines.  Also, it is quite a useful feature when it comes to water temperature – just find the right temperature while the valve is supplying the faucet water, then flip that bad boy into bidet mode.

This works very well for those who spend a lot of time in hotels while travelling or in a caretaker role, as the device is easily moved and

attached/removed.  However, I can’t recommend this for most users who desire a permanent bidet solution because, honestly, the line running from the faucet to the bidet is annoying and totally throws my bathroom feng-shui out of alignment.  Fortunately, Rinseworks also makes the Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet Sprayer For Toilets which connects directly to the water line and avoids the pesky faucet umbilical cord (Quick note, the Aquaus 360 for toilets is great, however, it differs from non-handheld bidets like attachments and bidet seats due to the fact that you MUST shut off the t-valve connection after each use which can be annoying).

The handheld wand is also a wonderful little piece of equipment.  Its most distinctive feature is its 360 degree, thumb-operated water pressure control.  As seen in the image below, the control is a dial that can be either pushed or pulled by your  thumb and works on both sides of the bidet handle.  It can be used from the front and the behind without any annoying adjustments or toying with the device.  It just works.

The standard length of the nozzle is 3″, and should work well for most people.  Thankfully, for those of us that like a longer nozzle, there is a thoughtful 5″ extension tube that can effectively make the nozzle nearly 8″ once attached.  There is also a mounting bracket that hooks into your toilet tank so that the wand can easily be mounted on the outside of the tank.  Weirdly, there have been quite a few reports of this mounting not being quite the right size for the wand and some users needing multiple attempts to get the wand to stay put.

Construction

The ceramic valve is very durable and should last for at least 10 years.

The Aquaus uses a few different materials in the construction of this handheld bidet.  The valve which attaches to the faucet is solid brass and feels very sturdy and functions well without leaks.

The metal hose is stainless steel and works as well as you could expect.  Nothing wrong with it.

The wand itself is where things get a  bit more muddied.  RinseWorks says the wand is made from “heavy-duty ABS polymers, a super

strong engineered blend of polymer materials just as strong and durable as stainless steel or brass sprayers, except light weight, corrosion proof and easy to handle.” and features a “Brass valve cartridge with ceramic disk seals with a burst rating of 250 PSI with an average lifespan of 10 to 15 years of use.”  Now, I’ve no reason to doubt this, as the wand has shown itself to be extremely durable and the spraying capabilities of the wand work wonderfully.  However, the metallic coating on the wand is quite easy to chip and can very quickly make your lil’ bidet buddy look cheap and crappy (pun, yeaaa boi).  This, coupled with the somewhat insecure mounting bracket is certainly annoying and may make you wish for a full metal construction.

Usage

Handy dandy guide on frontal and rear cleansing with the Aquaus.

Handy dandy guide on frontal and rear cleansing with the Aquaus.

Using the Aquaus is a treat.  Being able to have total control over where the sprayer is doing work can feel more satisfying than many bidet seats or attachments where you will need to shift your bum or use a control panel to adjust the water stream.  I’d compare using this handheld bidet versus a traditional bidet seat to driving a manual car versus an automatic.

The pressure is controlled by both the wand as well as your faucet.  Turning the faucet all the way on will give the bidet wand a boost of pressure, while using less pressure from the faucet will do the opposite.  No matter how high the faucet is turned up, the bidet won’t actually start spraying until you turn the dial on the wand itself. Using the dial is very easy; it’s simple to adjust the pressure up or down by manipulating the dial with just your thumb.  Whether you’re cleaning from the front or back, RinseWorks has certainly made a case for the 360 degree control dial.


In most categories the Aquaus 360 For Faucets excels, although the areas in which it doesn’t can be deal breakers. The sink-cluttering effect of this models defining feature – the faucet connection – can be overlooked if you’re using the Aquaus primarily for travel, otherwise, attaching and detaching the device can be annoying (and potentially impossible if you’ve got an emergency poo that just can’t wait).  The easily chipped metallic coating on the wand and the not-quite-right mounting bracket are also annoyances.  Looking past all this and you have a wonderfully functional bidet that could benefit those who travel, are caretakers or are just wary of doing any type of plumbing.

TOTO C100 vs TOTO C200 – Head to Head

TOTO C100 v TOTO C200

Let’s get right to the good stuff with a chart which easily highlights the changes between the two bidets.

You can also jump to a hefty analysis of each bidet here:

TOTO C100

TOTO C200

 TOTO C200TOTO C100
Rear Cleanse
Soft Rear Cleanse
Front Cleanse
Oscillating Cleanse
Pulsating Cleanse
Water Temp. Settings53
Water Pressure Settings55
Adjustable Wand Position
Air Purifier/Deodorizer
Air Dryer
Air Temperature Control Settings53
Heated Seat
Heated Seat Temperature Controls53
Slowly Closing Seat/Lid
Seat Sensor
RemoteWall mountable/detached remote controlAttached side panel
Removable Lid
Premist
Wand Cleaning Mode
Self Cleaning Wand

If you’re anything like me, one of the first bidet brands you came across was the grandfather of bidets – TOTO, from Japan (electronic bidet seats are commonly referred to as washlets in Japan and elsewhere – after TOTO coined the term).

Likewise, you probably stumbled upon two of their most popular models, the TOTO C100 and the TOTO C200 and wondered how they compare.

This post is going to dive into the chamber of the TOTOs and find out what makes each one tick, and how they differ.  I’ll also lay out a guide so you can easily choose which TOTO to give the honor of cleaning your bum to.


The Contenders

The TOTO C100 with attached panel control.

The TOTO C100 with attached panel control.

The TOTO C100 (see current price HERE)

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the battle of the bidets!  Our first contestant hails from Japan.  The TOTO C100 is TOTO’s most popular model.

Weighing in at 15 pounds, this heavyweight turd-basher brings out the best of Japanese engineering with its feature list and streamlined shape.

The C100 packs as many features into its frame as an international drug smuggler packs narcotics into their heinie.

  • Premist spray – readies the bowl for the deluge of turd it’s about to receive by automatically spraying a fine mist on the inside of the bowl as soon as you sit down..  This will keep those pesky lil’ Klingons from taking up residence on the inside of the bowl.
  • Adjustable front and rear cleansing – Adjust the position of the cleaning wand to effectively squirt where squirting is needed.  Rear for all, front for feminine cleansing.
  • Oscillating stream – The wand will move back and forth while spraying.  For both rear and frontal cleansing, enable the oscillating function to clean a wider area and weed out the fugitive poo that is hiding just out of reach.
  • Three water temperature settings – Never gets TOO hot, so no worries there.
  • Three heated seat temperature settings – Like the water, none of the settings are uncomfortable, so find the setting that’s right for you.
  • Air dryer (three temp. settings) – A slow, but functional dryer for those of us with a bit of patience.
  • Deodorizer – Automatically engages a fan when you sit down which pulls the air from inside the bowl (the foulest of air, ew) through an activated carbon filter to remove the nasty shit-stench

All of these functions are accessible on a side-panel control which is attached to the right side of the bidet (as you’re sitting on it).  This can work to its advantage as the control panel is attached to the bidet, and therefore, can never get lost OR run out of batteries.


The TOTO C200 with remote control operation.

The TOTO C200 with remote control operation.

The TOTO C200 (see current price HERE)

Our second contestant also hails from the land of the rising sun (duh).  The C100’s younger brother, the C200 is out for blood after being relentlessly bullied from elementary to high school by his older sibling.
Sporting a more streamlined look
, this 15 pound bruiser is looking to oust the reigning champ.

In addition to all the features the C100 has, the C200 has a few more tricks up its nozzle.

  • Pulsating spray – The biggest bonus function the C200 has is the pulsating spray.  This can be used with frontal and rear cleaning.  This mode is great for those suffering from constipation, as the massaging sensation can loosen up your trap door and help them logs slide right on out.
  • Five water temperature settings – That’s right folks, FIVE.  Finding that none of the three temps offered by the C100 are quite right?  Ok, Goldilocks, I suggest you take a seat on the C200 and see if that doesn’t tickle your fancy.  Note: Both models feature a highest temperature setting of 104 degrees Fahrenheit; however, the C200 offers a lower lowest temperature setting at 86 degrees Fahrenheit while the C100’s temps start at 95 degrees.
  • Five heated seat temperature settings – Yep, more seat heats as well!  The C200 offers a maximum temperature of 97 degrees whereas the C100’s maximum temp is 95 degrees.  Both have a minimum temp of 82 degrees.
  • Five dryer temperature settings – Ok, ok, ok.  This must be getting boring, but it’s worth mentioning.  Five is more then three!  More customization is always welcome. The temperatures are the same, but the C200 offers more increments from the minimum 104 to maximum 140 degrees.

All these functions are controlled by a separate remote control that can be mounted on the wall in the included holder.  Perhaps the biggest difference between these two bidet-seats, a remote control offers the bidet a more streamlined look, as well as offering the user more versatility when it comes to the location of the remote (great for lefties or those with lower mobility).


How to choose your champion

As you can  see, both models bring their own brand of spiciness to the table, making choosing which one best suits your needs a bit tough.  The C100 has the lower price tag going for it, while the C200 has a few more features.

 

When should you choose the C100?

You like the side control panel.

Hey, it isn’t for everybody, but some people actually prefer the side control panel.  Some like it’s look, some like the battery-less operation.  If the side control panel does it for you,  more power to ya.

You like the price

This is an obvious one, but if you aren’t willing to spend an extra $50-$100 (depending on where you buy it) on the C200’s few extra features, then the C100 should be your pick.

 

When should you choose the C200?

You like the look.

Not having a side control panel streamlines the look of the device.  Some find this extremely important, some don’t.

You like the remote.

Not only does it change the look of the bidet, it can also be much more functional.  Not having to turn your body to reach some of the C100’s buttons is wonderful, as it the ability to mount it anywhere you see fit.

You sometimes suffer from constipation.

The pulsating function the C200 has is wondrous for relieving constipation.  Give it a minute or two and feel it terminate those stubborn turds who thought they had a new, permanent home.

You want more control.

The five temperature settings the C200 provides for the seat, water and dryer give you more control.  For those of us that are a little more sensitive to temperatures, this is a gift from heaven.

 


In the end, the choice is yours.

Most people who purchase either model are extremely happy with their purchase – especially if this is their first bidet after years of crappy, dirty toilet paper use.  Either way you go, you’re making a good decision by getting rid of toilet paper and thus helping the planet, achieving better hygiene and feeling much more comfortable after going #2.

To further inform, check out our standalone C100 Review here!

5 Things You Should Know BEFORE Buying a Bidet

Buying a bidet is a transcendent experience, so it isn’t surprising that many people rush into the process and buy the first bidet that looks sexy enough to clean their undercarriage.  Without careful research and due diligence, the bidet buying process can turn from a dream into a shitty experience.  To help you avoid snags, snafus and  outright disaster, pay particular attention to these ___ factors while you’re searching for your new best friend

      1. Elongated or round?

(If you’re planning on getting a bidet attachment, read on – this doesn’t apply to you. Hooray!)the difference between a round and elongated toilet as well as their measurements

Most toilets nowadays have one of two types of bowls: round or elongated, with elongated being more common.  Therefore, most bidet manufacturers have made corresponding bidets to fit both kinds.  Some bidets only come in one size or the other, however, so be sure you’re buying the right one.

How do you determine the shape of your toilet?  Well, start with looking at it from a birds’ eye view.  If the bowl appears to have a soccer-ball shape, then it’s round.  If it looks more like a rugby or football ball, then you’ve got yourself an elongated.  You can also bust out your measuring tape and measure from the front of the toilet to the seat mounting holes.  An elongated toilet will measure from 18 to 19.5 inches whereas a round toilet will measure 16.5 to 17.75 inches.

This might seem obvious, but it’s an easy mistake to make!

 

       2. Do you have room?

Bidets aren’t massive devices, but they do increase the footprint of your toilet by a couple of inches.  This can be especially irksome if the left side (while you’re facing it) of the toilet is close to or against a wall or cabinet.  Toilets in this position can really only manage with a remote operated bidet-seat.  All bidet attachments are out, as are all panel operated bidet-seats.  I don’t know of any bidets that currently feature a panel on the right side of the bidet, so, sorry lefties!

If your toilet is too close to the wall, you won't be able to install some types of bidets.

Beware the position of your throne.

I mentioned remote operated bidet-seats as a solution to this issue, and it is worth talking a little more about.  Remote operated bidets will come with a remote as well as a mountable remote-holder.

Some benefits of this compared to a panel operated bidet-seat are: solving the issue of not having enough clearance for a panel, easier operation (no reaching back to press some of the buttons that are located near the rear of the panel), much better for lefties, streamlines the look of the toilet.

To sum it all up: measure the clearance between the right side of the toilet and the wall/cabinet/obstruction and consider getting a remote operated bidet-seat if there isn’t enough room.

 

      3. You will NEED a power outlet for electric bidet-seats (and bonus warning for bidet attachment  people).

Another seemingly no-brainer, but another detail that can often get overlooked in the excitement of buying a bidet.

you will need to plug in an electric bidet.

Don’t let this happen to your bathroom. Be aware of your electrical outlet situation.

If you’re buying a bidet-seat, chances are, it’s electric.  The nozzle, water and seat heaters, dryer, and everything else requires electricity – and therefore a working three pronged outlet (or adapter) in order to function.  Before ordering a bidet-seat, take a peek at your commode.  Where is the power outlet?  Is it conveniently located next to the toilet?  If not, is the cord running from the bidet-seat to the available outlet not too much of an eyesore?  Are there other appliances that need to be plugged in at all times that are going to hog the outlets?  Will you have to annoyingly unplug one device to plug in your bidet and vice-versa?

These are some questions that need to be asked before you decide a bidet-seat is a good fit for your bathroom.

Bidet-attachment buyers, beware!  You aren’t totally off the hook here.  If you’re buying a bidet-attachment with a warm water option, you need to be sure your bathroom has a warm water connection that you can easily access.  Is the warm water attachment in a cabinet under the sink?  Are you willing to drill a hole in the cabinet to thread it through?  Again, are you going to be okay with the look of your bathroom after connecting the hot water to your bidet attachment?

 

      4. Tankless or reservoir heating?

Electric bidets typically have one of two heating methods.  Tankless heating will instantly heat water and can provide a limitless supply of warm, butt-friendly water.  Bidets that feature this method of heating will be smaller (more on why later) and more expensive.  Who doesn’t want an unlimited stream of gloriously comfortable water to the sphincter?

Reservoir heating systems employ a large tank (this is why tankless are smaller!) to hold and heat water.  The bidet will fill the tank with water and heat it up, then continue to heat it periodically when it’s not in use so that you aren’t left getting an unpleasant, ass-clenchingly cold jolt when you clean yourself.  The problem with these types of bidets is that the hot water will eventually run out.  It can usually suffice for a single user, but if you’ve got a line forming outside the bathroom of all the neighbors who’ve heard your yells of ecstasy during your cleaning sessions (….or just family members or roommates), then the next user might not be too pleased with the lack of warmth.

 

 

      5. Do you need feminine cleansing?

If you’re a lady, or have ladies in the household, the answer to the above question is an emphatic YES!  Feminine cleansing boils down to either a second nozzle or a movable nozzle which is capable of cleaning the frontal area, instead of the rear.  For men, this is pretty pointless, although it’s not a totally terrible experience.

Nearly all electric bidet-seats will have this feature, so no worries there.  But, be on the lookout for bidet attachments that only have one, immovable nozzle.  If you’re looking for the best in hygiene, a frontal cleanse is a must.

 

In the end, a bidet can only give you as much bang for your buck as you allow.  Be smart about buying a bidet and don’t forget these five essential points to keep in mind.  Happy bideting!

 

Top 5 Ways to Effortlessly Upgrade Your Bathroom

You’ve decked out your living space in all the fineries you could possibly need.  An OLED TV, check; a badass blender with blades reconstituted from dragon teeth, check; a fabulous grill capable of tickling the fancy of a Viking lord of old, also, check.

Many times, the only room in our castles not getting its fair share of love is our throne room.  Now, why anyone would want to neglect the place where they feel relief, get clean and watch more cat gifs than in their office is beyond me.  This short list will hopefully inspire some of you to give your bathroom a desperately needed upgrade while not requiring hours of labor, sweaty construction workers (although we love our sweaty, nimble friends) or breaking the bank.


feel better while pooping

#1. A Bidet

Yeah, you guessed it.  How could bidets not fill the top spot on our list?  A device that not only chips away the nastiness of post-deucedom, but one that instills in its user a feeling of confidence, even on the hottest, muggiest of days.  This isn’t to mention the bidet’s uncanny ability to make house guests feel like giddy lil poopers as they use it and are subsequently wowed by the experience.

Home bidets come in all flavors: from inexpensive bidet attachments which simply bed down under your toilet seat and require nothing but a connection to your water supply to operate, to electric enchanters that not only look cutting edge, but have the suite of features to back up their looks.

These fully featured electric bidets will, in most cases provide most of these features: warm water with temperature control, adjustable pressure, adjustable nozzle position, feminine cleansing, oscillating cleaning function (the nozzle moves back and forth to cover a wider area), a slowly closing lid and seat to avoid that awful, loud banging, and a dryer.

If that doesn’t have you inhaling Metamucil, the features of the upper tier of electric bidets definitely will.  They come with deodorizers, bowl pre and post misting to deter the stickiest of turds from hanging on, UV lights to kill bacteria, silver nanoparticles on the nozzles to kill EVEN MORE bacteria, ambient noise generators to muffle your butt-trumpet and more.

A bidet not only transforms your toilet, it can truly bring your whole bathroom into the 21st century.


#2 A Better Shower HeadA better showerhead can transform your bathroom and shower

More than likely, you are still using the shower head that came with the shower (if not, congrats on being ahead of the curve here).  Most people never consider changing the shower head as it’s usually “good enough” to squeak by without pissing you off too much and drawing attention to itself as one of your bathroom’s weakest links.

Setups with a mounted, adjustable shower-head as well as a separate, handheld wand are quite popular options.  The mounted shower-head can continuously coat you with warm, liquid goodness while you take the fight to the areas that need it most with the handheld wand.

DreamSpa Instant-Mount Drill-Free Height / Angle Adjustable 36-Setting 3-Way Shower Head / Handheld Shower with 22-Inch Stainless Steel Slide Bar, Chrome Finish

Yes, that is an actual Amazon listing.  Incredible reviews, 36 freaking functions (well, more like 2 shower heads with 7 functions each, including a pause mode) and a  surprisingly affordable price.  Doesn’t that sound better than what is currently sputtering and unevenly spraying you every day?

Some functions these fancy-schmancy shower heads come packing are: misting spray, high pressure massage, rainfall mode, eco spray, pause mode, anti-microbial coatings, various combinations of the above listed, and yes, even more.

Don’t like the dual shower-head setup?  Why not opt for a larger, rainfall head?  These are best installed perpendicular to the ground and provide the same feeling as being caught in a downpour (minus your phone getting ruined, the cold and people laughing at you).


#3 A Body Monitor Scale

If you warped into your great grandma’s bathroom of the early 20th century, what kind of scale would she have?  If you answered, “Well, pretty much the same one I have!” then it’s time for a major upgrade.  The scale of the post WWI era can now measure more than just weight.  Plug in a few details about yourself, such as your gender and heightA bidy scanning scale can help you make better diet and exercise choices, and today’s scale can give you some interesting insight into your late night Doritos binging.  Fat %, BMI,  visceral fat (ft around your midsection that can squeeze the ever-loving life out of some very important organs if left to run rampant), and your body age.  Some scales even come with an app that can streamline track your data automatically.

These scales work by sending electrical pulses through your body (don’t worry, it isn’t like touching the dinosaur paddock in Jurassic Park) and using the time it takes to go from one sensor to the other.  Electricity moves more quickly through muscle than fat, so, the longer the signal takes, the higher the fat percentage.

While some of these measurements aren’t as accurate as going to a doctor and having measurements taken, these scales can still provide some worthwhile information.  For example, the body fat percentage is liable to give inconsistent readings if you’ve eaten, drank or shat since last using it.  However, this can easily be rectified by taking your body scan in the morning after your first pee or poo, before drinking or eating anything.  Having constant measuring conditions can give you a reliable measure of changes in body fat (if not an exactly accurate reading).

Overall, if you’re looking to shed some pounds, gain some muscle or just monitor some stats, an electronic body scanning scale is a wonderful way to step up your bathroom game.


#4 A Nebulizing Essential Oil Diffuser

An oil diffuser can spread microscopic oil particles throughout your room to leave a long lasting, pleasant scent

We all like to treat our noses to fine fragrances.  Heck, half the time I’m at home alone, sitting in sweatpants , I’ll put on some cologne just because I like the smell.

A bathroom is one of the last places you’d classify as pleasant-smelling.  When numerous heaters are being cranked out into the toilet each day, the post-shower smell of your favorite soap quickly becomes the odor of Le’Turd.  An essential oil diffuser can do yourself and others a great service by filling the room with something that DOESN’T smell like shit.

Essential oil diffusers fit into two main categories: ultrasonic or nebulizing.

An ultrasonic diffuser is essentially (tehehe) a humidifier that lets the oil hitch a ride on vaporized water particles. These diffusers will scentify the room they’re in for as long as they’re on and a little while afterwards.

A nebulizing diffuser is, like, totally way better.  It uses some fancy-pants physics to eject microscopic oil particles into the air which can stay suspended for hours.  In my case, my bathroom doesn’t need a humidifier, but does need something to make it smell less like the inside of a diaper after the toilet has been used.

Essential oils come in a variety of scents.  From the uber-refreshing, icy cool blast of peppermint oil to the zestiness of lemon and orange oils, there is sure to be something that tickles your fancy.

 


A BLUETOOTH SPEAKER that can resist water is a wonderful addition to any bathroom#5 A Bluetooth Shower Speaker

There’s an episode of the Flintstones where Fred hears Barney singing in the shower, his voice the deep, seductive baritone of a classic 50’s crooner.  We all sing better in the shower, and what could possibly help bring out our inner Clay Aiken than a speaker that won’t explode when wet?

Bluetooth speakers have been a staple of modern households for the last decade or so.  They provide a simple, convenient way to blast your tunes throughout your house without being tethered to massive, hard to move conventional speakers.  Bringing the ballads to the bathroom was the next logical step for those of us who never stop jamming.

A Bluetooth shower speaker can radically improve your morning.  Seriously.  Imagine taking a shower… Now imagine taking a shower with the Spice Girls in their prime.  Yeah, a Bluetooth shower speaker can do that.  These speakers not only liven up your showers, they can  also mask your farts!  About to drop a seismic booty bomb?  Pop on Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture and enjoy the challenge of syncing your flatulence to the cannon fire.

 


 

SmartBidet SB-110 Review

The SmartBidet SB-110 Review

The Basics|The Features|The Pros|The Cons|Final Thoughts

SmartBidet has streamlined their look without compromising features in this exceptional addition to their ranks.

The SB-110’s current price and more photos here.

ProsCons
Learns when to save powerCan't turn off heated seat/water
Unique bowl premisting functionLarge tank reservoir
Price is rightLid is too weak to sit on


First, the basics:

  • This is a bidet seat, so it will be replacing your old toilet seat.  Find a place to toss that thing because you’re never going back to it.
  • It is electric, so you will need access to a power outlet (three pronged).
  • It comes in only the elongated size, so be sure that your toilet bowl depth is at least 20 inches.
  • Comes in white.
  • You will need a Phillips-head screwdriver (and possibly a flat-head screwdriver, depending on how your old toilet seat is mounted) for installation.
  • All other installation components are included.
  • The control panel on the side of the unit controls all functions.
  • The nozzle self-cleans and retracts after each use.
  • Nozzle cap can be removed for easier, more thorough cleaning.
  • The water is heated instantly, as there is no reservoir.
  • One-year manufacturer’s warranty.

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The features:

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • Rear cleanse
    • Your typical bidet function.
  • Front cleanse 
    • For feminine cleaning.
  • Turbo cleanse
    • Nearly enema-level pressure.  This is for when you need to really blast the undercarriage.
  • Oscillating cleanse 
    • Available for rear, front and turbo cleansing functions.
    • The wand will move back and forth while spraying, so you don’t miss anything.
  • Kids’ mode
    • Automatically runs the rear wash for 30 seconds followed by a minute of the dryer.
    • Nozzle position, water pressure and dryer temp are all toned down a bit to suit a child.
  • Warm-air dryer
  • Five settings for water pressure
  • Wand position adjustment 
    • So you don’t have to move on the seat as much to get a thorough cleanse.
  • Slowly closing seat and lid 
    • The lid won’t slam shut, but rather slowly close.
  • Heated seat and water with three temperature options for each
  • Quick release seat for easy cleaning 
    • Flip a switch on the rear and pull the unit off to clean it/underneath it.
  • Self-cleaning wand 
    • Cleaned before and after each use.
  • Eco mode
    • Will lower the temperature of the reservoir tank and the seat while not in use.
  • Seat sensor 
    • Won’t activate any of the features unless there is a booty on the bidet.
    • Useful for curious kids and house guests.
  • Wand cleaning mode

 

 

 

The control paneel of the SmartBidet SB-110

The SB-110’s panel and its beautiful bounty of features.

 

 

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The Pros:

  • Full suite of features.
    • SmartBidet have crammed features up the wazoo of the SB-110.  All of them are useful and everything works as you’d hope.
    • The oscillate feature is especially nice.  Being able to combo it with any other wash function is a major win.
    • The turbo function is actually quite powerful and is just a few PSI away from an enema.  Recommend for those with especially messy bathroom sessions.
  • Instant water heating system.
    • A fantastic feature that provides instant, unlimited warm water directly to ya bum.  Usually found in higher priced units, seeing this in an entry-level bidet seat is wonderfully surprising.

      A picture of the SB-110's replaceable nozzle cap.

      With a replaceable cap, the SB-110 is easier to clean and maintain.

  • Replaceable nozzle cap.
    • Just twist the cap and pop it off.
    • This makes cleaning and maintenance a lot easier.
  • Durable construction.
    • SmartBidet have forged a herculean bidet seat, one that can accommodate up to 440 pounds.
    • Everything else feels very sturdy and built to last as well.
  • Clean look.
    • The SB-110 was the first of SmartBidet’s attempts to redesign their bidet seats.  Previously,  their models looked quite utilitarian.  Thankfully, the new design looks sleeker and more modern.
  • Great customer service.
    • With any product, there will be reports of users experiencing some defective units.  While this isn’t good (obviously), the SmartBidet team has been quick to respond with replacements at no cost.

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The Cons:

  • Smaller seat opening.
    • The bidet seat will be a bit smaller than your old seat in regards to the opening.  This might be problematic for larger users.
  • Water heater can be a little erratic.
    • While it functions well 90% of the time, the water heater can sometimes provide  dips in temperature.  While not a huge problem, it can be slightly annoying.
  • No pulsating/massage cleanse.
    • I’ve grown to really like this feature, as have many others who suffer from hemorrhoids and/or constipation.

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Final Thoughts:

Another fine Korean bidet seat.  Coming from a country where bidets are the norm, the SmartBidet SB-110 provides nearly everything you could want from a bidet.  For the price, SmartBidet have created a super product that should please nearly anyone.

Unless you are unwilling to go without a deodorizer and pulsating function, consider the SmartBidet SB-110 as one of the front-runners in the budget bidet realm.

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Buy the SmartBidet SB-110 HERE.

Why Aren’t Bidets Popular in America?


What do Britpop, Marmite, meat pies and bidets all have in common?

America doesn't really like bidets... yet

Why does she only fall for the jerks?! Give a nice guy a chance!

 

If the title of this article didn’t tip you off, the answer is: all have had a tough time infiltrating the hearts, minds and souls of the American public.  Popular elsewhere, these wonderful (yes, you should try them if you haven’t) movements and products haven’t pulled a Beatles and taken root across the pond.


What gives?  How could you not want a clean ass?

Well, it has a lot to do with history.

First, I’ll hit you with the abridged bidet origin story: The bidet came about in France, with the first being used as early as 1710.  In fact, the word “bidet” is derived from a French word for a chunky little pony and the image of straddling one of those beefy guys is similar to the position assumed while polishing your derriere with a bidet.

A lady using an old-fashioned bidet.

Yeah, old-fashioned bidets don’t look fun.

Another fun fact regarding early bidets is that the OG bidet wasn’t confined to the bathroom.  This wasn’t due to rebellious, freedom-seeking bidets doing what they wanted, but because  chamber pots were mostly bedroom devices and early bathrooms lacked the plumbing required for a bidet to function.

As plumbing technology advanced, bidets and chamber pots made the migration out of the bathroom.  Probably the worst thing to happen for  those of us who enjoy pooping next to where we sleep.  On the other hand, probably the best thing to happen for those of us who aren’t gross.

Bidets gained a hand-pump which allowed for water to be sprayed at your ass in the middle of the 18th century.  This was much preferable to instead having to dunk your butt it in a small pool of water and get in there with your hands as remnants of your doo float around.

Sounds awesome. What went wrong?

Americans thought bidets were immoral and too sensual.

We just weren’t ready for bidets.

America, being born of Britain, had a natural disdain for all things French.  Uh oh.  This arose not from us initially thinking bidets themselves were disgusting (that came later), but from the puritanical hatred of the perceived hedonism of the French.  So, we inherited our initial distrust of  bidets from our British roots.  Pretty bloody unfair.  During World War II, American GIs in Europe were met with bidets in brothels.  Once they got home, another coat of scarlet paint was lathered onto the stigma against them.

After the war, most bathrooms weren’t designed with a bidet in mind.  Ever since then, even if the homeowner didn’t hold a grudge against bidets, the standard American bathroom has simply been too small to accommodate one.


Rear Wars: A New Hope

Arnold Cohen.  The inventor of our modern electric bidet seat and an American.  Surprised?

Arnold Cohen invented the modern bidet seat.

Truly, a great American inventor.

Born in Brooklyn, Mr. Cohen invented the modern bidet seat in the 1960s.  A seat capable of both washing and drying the tush was way ahead of its time as advertising the product to the prudish American public of the time was next to impossible.  Japanese toilet maker, TOTO jumped at the opportunity and bought Cohen’s design and have been making incredible bidet seats ever since.

Since then, bidets have slowly (like, super freaking slowly) started to spread across the U.S..  In 2006, the National Kitchen and Bath Association finally started to track bidet statistics and noted that in that year, 650,000 bathrooms were built with a bidet in the U.S..

Now, with more features, pricing options and wider availability, Americans are starting to accept bidets as an acceptable, cleaner way to do the doo.

Check out our guide to bidet attachments for affordable (think ~$50) bidet options as well as our picks for the best electric bidet seats under $300.  Happy bidet-ing!

Enter the Tushy

The Tushy is an attractive, effective and easy to install bidet attachment. How is does it compare vs other brands?

It’s with increasing frequency that new combatants enter the ring in the fight for toilet supremacy.  This is, of course, a delight to us on the sidelines, cheering for the underdogs to unseat the complacent kings of old.

With bidet attachments, this is especially exciting, as competition in the market has devolved into clone wars, with most companies putting out barely indistinguishable products with the same features and looks.

See how much the ol’ Tushy Classic is going for HERE

The Brand

Tushy or: How I Learned to Stop Being Embarrassed and Love the Poo.

What you'd look like on a Tushy

We don’t recommend crossing your legs while bidet-ing.

Enter the Tushy; surfing onto the scene atop a board of attitude on a mile-high wave of cool. Created by Miki Agrawal, the straightforward marketing genius who is behind pee and period-proof ladies underwear; the Tushy is aimed simply at “people who poop”.

Through Miki’s guidance, the Tushy brand has been able to separate itself from most of its competitors by bringing a totally different image to the bidet buffet line that potential buyers must trundle through.

What you see when you scoot your bum over to the Tushy website is miles ahead of the sterile, textbookish pages run by some other bidet brands. There are poop-jokes aplenty, gifs, and a ‘mobilize the masses’ call to action found throughout that is exactly what is needed to bring a younger audience into the world of true poo-phoria.

Not only will you feel like a true badass when you order a Tushy, you’ll also feel like a saintly goodass, as each unit sold benefits the Samagra organization which is working hard to provide more public toilets to those in need in India.

Bamboo towels and toilet paperAlong with the bidet attachments themselves, Tushy is pushing hard for the sale of bamboo toilet paper and towels for drying – an environmentally friendlier alternative to traditional TP.

A smart move by Tushy, as most people who buy a bidet are at least partially motivated by the environmental benefits they tout.

The Product

A classic bidet attachment with an inventive style.

The three colors of tushy are classic, royale and noir.

Three flavors of Tushy: Classic, Royale and Noir

While the Tushy brings little new to the table in terms of functionality, the look of the thing is what has me most excited.  Much like the GenieBidet, the team at Tushy has taken aim at the stale, horrifically boring, cookie-cutter design of most of the competition.

The design is modern and while not exactly elegant, it has a minimal aesthetic that is hard not to like.  In my eyes, it’s in a different level altogether from 90% of the other bidet attachments  on the market.  It comes in three color options: Classic, Royale, and Noir.

The features of the Tushy are quite standard: there are two models available, one with cold water only and another with the option for hot and cold water.  Both units feature a cheeky little switch below the control dials that changes the angle of the nozzle.  This is a neat change from the typical dual-nozzle solution most bidets opt for when confronted with cleaning both the bum and feminine The Noir Warm and Cool Tushy and the Classic Cool Tushycleansing.

The installation is just as easy as with other bidet attachments.  Tushy has opted for fitting rails as opposed to discs that will adjust to fit nearly any toilet.

There is an installation video provided by Tushy as well, which I’m going to include here so that you can get a feel for the type of company image Tushy is trying to cultivate (even if you don’t have one or already know how to install a bidet attachment, it’s worth a view).

The Tushy looks poised to usher in a new era of butt-hygiene awareness amongst young people, and that is worth recognizing.  While the product itself is far from revolutionary, its looks and marketing strategy are certainly worth talking about.

Do your rumpus a favor and check out the Tushy here.

Bidet Attachments – What are they?

Most people know what a bidet is, but what is a bidet attachment?


We can all agree that having a clean butt is exhilarating.  Walking, sitting, running, dancing, combing, eating, clapping, yawning – everything feels better with a hygienic heinie.

Bidets provide a way to keep your rear feeling as if you’ve just showered after every toilet-bound adventure.

Unfortunately, the high-tech, robotic, bordering on sentient toilet seat bidets popularized by Japan come at a price premium, with most worthwhile models costing $250 or more.

What if you don’t need a robot getting comfortable with your private areas?

What if all you want is a fresh fart canyon?

In that case, a bidet toilet attachment is exactly what you’re looking for.

Read on to learn the basics of what exactly a bidet toilet attachment is, and which ones are the best of the bunch.


A bidet attachment attached to a two-piece toilet

Bidet attachments LOVE your toilet.


Parts of a bidet attachment.

Bidet attachments are blissfully simple devices that – you guessed it – attach to your toilet.  They don’t replace your existing toilet seat; they instead make their new home in the area between your toilet seat and the rim of the toilet itself.

A bidet attachment will have a control panel on the right side (sorry, lefties!).

This will have a couple dials or a lever which you can use to control the water pressure, temperature and function (nozzle cleaning, feminine wash, rear wash).

 

Connected to the control panel is a thin plastic housing which is going to be nestled between your toilet seat and toilet rim.

This piece will have some form of mounting to attach it to your toilet.  Usually this means rotating or sliding plates that allow the unit to be easily connected to nearly any two-piece toilet.

It also contains the water connection from the control panel to the bidet nozzle, usually in the form of a very small hose.

 

Finally, we arrive at the stalwart workhorse of any bidet, the bidet nozzle.

Depending on which model you have, there will be either one or two nozzles (for front and rear washing).

Every mechanical bidet’s nozzle will automatically retract after use, with some also being self cleaning.

This means that when you stop the flow of water, the nozzle will retract into its housing to protect it from the ungodly fluids and particles that love to hang out in toilets.


The parts of a mechanical bidet.

The anatomy of a bidet attachment.


How does a bidet attachment work?

After reading the appetizer sections about the basics of mechanical bidets and their parts, we’re finally ready to dive into the main course, the bidet-mignon, if you will – actually using your new bathroom upgrade.

So, how do you use a bidet attachment?

  1. Mount your throne, for this is the first step to attaining cleanliness of the booty.
  2. Pinch a loaf, maybe two, weary traveler; for to become clean, you must first dirty thyself.
  3. When relieved of excess baggage (worry not, emotional baggage can also be shed here in this place of peace), peer to your right and lower thy gaze until the panel of impending purity enters your view.
  4. Manipulate the controls, select thy desired temperature (brace thyself if warmer waters are unavailable, for winter is coming to your southern kingdoms) and pressure.  Beware! Do not directly jump to the highest pressure setting; as the philosopher Epictetus once warned, “If one oversteps the bounds of moderation, the greatest pleasures cease to please.”
  5. Adjust thyself to suitably align with the cleansing beam which comes forth from the noble nozzle of neatness. Be not afraid, this bodily adjustment may indeed need to be repeated several times within the same cleansing session, as some filthy, malicious particles will no doubt try to escape the reach of the waters of wellness at the outset.
  6. When thou hath been satisfactorily purified, engage in barter with the nearby roll of toilet paper.  Mayhaps one square will be adequate for drying?  Mayhaps two?  No matter, you have lessened the paper merchant’s power in this realm by reducing your kingdom’s need for his products.
  7. Stand proud and go forth, secure in the knowledge that you are fair, pure and unburdened by worry.

In other words, sit down, do your business, select the appropriate temperature and pressure, open the flow of water, adjust your rear to ensure the whole area gets sprayed, dry yourself off and get on with your day.


Ned Stark using a bidet attachment

Initially, Ned didn’t want the throne, but that’s nothing a bidet attachment couldn’t change.


How do you choose the right bidet attachment?

This section is going to be quite straightforward, as there really aren’t THAT many variables to juggle when it comes to bidet attachments.

  • Quality components

For me, the most important feature of any mechanical bidet is going to be the quality of its parts.  Look for bidet attachments that use ceramic and metal valves.

It is possible to find decent bidets with plastic valves (this Astor Bidet comes to mind), but I prefer the potential for true longevity offered by sturdier construction.

  • Warm water or nah

Jack Torrance frozen by cold water from a bidet.

All cold water and no warm water make Jack an uncomfortable boy.

When deciding between a bidet attachment that has warm water and one that doesn’t, consider these two factors:

Do you live in an area that has a true winter with very cold months?

Are you sensitive to cool or cold water? 

If you answered yes to either of those, you might want to seriously consider opting for a warm-water option.

Living in Michigan for most of my life, I can attest to the incredibly uncomfortable temperatures our cold water could reach during the winter.

If I had to spray my moneymaker with that level of hellish, numbing cold, I’d probably just go back to using toilet paper.  It’s sad, but true.

  • Will this bidet be used by any ladies

Unless you’re a dude who is living alone, consider getting a bidet attachment that features two nozzles.

One will be for the traditional rear cleansing, while the other will spray a gentler, more diffuse spray more forward for feminine cleaning.

It is great for everyday hygiene of the area as well as extremely nice to have during monthly periods.

That’s right, a bidet or a bidet attachment can help with the mess of monthly periods.

  • Lever or dial control

Dial operated mechanical bidet versus a lever operated mechanical bidet

Dial v Lever Operation

This is a minor variable and comes down to personal preference.

Do you want to control the water pressure and temperature with dials or a lever?

I prefer a lever because it streamlines the control panel, looks cooler (in my opinion) and feels better to use (also, only my opinion here).

Some prefer dials as they feel they have more control over pressure than with a lever, although I haven’t found this to be the case.

Some of the leading bidet attachments compared:

 
Astor Fresh Water BidetLuxe Neo 180Luxe Neo 320Superior Bidet Supreme
Ceramic Valves?No, plasticYesYesYes
Warm Water?NoNoYesYes
Feminine Cleanse?NoYesYesYes
Average Price~$30~$50~$70~$100

Take a look at our review of the Luxe Bidet Neo 320, my personal pick for the best bidet attachment, or feast your eyes on our expanding list of bidet attachment reviews.