Smart Toilets for Smart People. The Best Integrated Toilet Bidets.

Integrated toilet bidets are the ultimate in luxurious poopin’, but what makes a good one and which ones are the best around?


What makes a great smart toilet?

Looks

The look of your toilet can determine whether your bathroom looks like a poo palace or a piece of crap.

Builder brand toilets (the kinds that come with many Lenar, Beazer or other builder homes) are generally unappealing, not to mention barely serviceable.

An integrated toilet bidet with a modern design can transform your bathroom completely. Also, most companies cutting edge designs are done in the style of integrated toilet bidets rather than regular toilets.

Features

The features of most of these integrated bidets don’t vary too much as these bathroom beasts are all resting near the pinnacle of poopin’ tech.

What’s going to set them apart are going to be bells and whistles and how the features themselves perform.

For example, is the dryer actually going to dry my bum or am I going to have to get some toilet paper involved?

Ease of use

Your futuristic, nearly sentient toilet isn’t going to impress anyone if nobody can figure the damn thing out.

Being user friendly is important.

Ease of installation

This can end up saving you hundreds of dollars if you’re able to install the bidet yourself.

Thankfully, if you can get a little help for the lifting and positioning portion of the installation, anyone should be able to install most of these integrated bidets with basic tools.

Cost

What’s really meant by cost is the value per dollar rather than the cost as a deciding factor by itself.


The List

  • TOTO G400
  • Bio Bidet IB835
  • TOTO Neorest 550H
  • Kohler K-5401-0 Veil

TOTO G400

The TOTO G400 is the best value smart toilet you’re gonna find.

Looks

When looking at the G400, you can clearly see that this guy is made of two separate units, the top which houses the bidet functions and water tank and the bottom which is the toilet.

While It looks quite good, it isn’t the best looking smart toilet as those are one piece and just look so darn good.

The sloping seat and lid flow right into the tank and electronics housing which are both clean looking without useless visual clutter and subtle branding.

Features

The features of this unit closely mirror those in the TOTO S550 with a few added bonuses.

  • Heated seats and water with 5 levels of heat.
  • Front, rear, and soft rear cleanse modes.
  • Auto open and close lid.
  • Oscillating and pulsating cleanse.
  • 2 user profiles to save temperature, water pressure, and nozzle positions.
  • Bowl premist and CeFiONtect bowl glaze make it incredibly hard for anything brown and sticky to stick to the inside of the bowl resulting in less time spent scrubbing.
  • Auto flush automatically determines how much water to use and flushes as you stand up.
Look at that coverage! Oo lala.
  • Cyclone flush system sends two streams of water spinning down the bowl to get every inch of porcelain. Nowhere to hide for El Turdo.
  • Warm air dryer and deodorizer.

Ease of use

The TOTO G400 is user friendly, although, if someone hasn’t used a bidet before it might seem a bit overwhelming. This is true of every electric bidet, though.

The G400 uses the same remote as the S350 and S550

The remote is easy to operate and as long as the person using it knows the difference between front/rear wash and oscillating and pulsating cleanses, there shouldn’t be any surprises.

Ease of installation

If you can install a toilet, you can install the TOTO G400. There’s nothing surprising with the installation (spoiler, this is the case with all the other smart toilets!).

The only extra step and something to be aware of is the need for an electrical outlet. Don’t buy any smart toilet f you have nowhere to plug it in and aren’t ready to install a new outlet!

Cost

The TOTO G400 is definitely worth the price. A TOTO toilet with cyclone flush technology is already going to cost upwards of $500, add onto that a bidet that’s comparable to the TOTO S550 with auto flushing and a modern, skirted design and you have a great buy at just under $2000.

See the current price of the TOTO G400 here.


Bio Bidet IB835

The Bio Bidet IB835 brings sleek looks and a wonderful remote to the smart toilet party.

Looks

The Bio Bidet IB835 is long, low and… cute – there, I said it. It looks cute! It reminds me of a beluga whale’s face.

This isn’t to say I wouldn’t want it in my bathroom! Bio Bidet has done a great job making this smart toilet look modern and clean.

The toilet section is smooth lines all around and the bidet section is a bit more streamlined than the TOTO G400’s.

Overall, a definite statement maker that will set your bathroom apart.

Features

The features of the IB835 are comparable to any other top-of-the-line bidet with the added bonuses of an above average remote and a kids’ mode.

A glance at the IB835’s remote. A note: “cleanse” is posterior wash and “bidet” is feminine wash. Also, the lower tier of options pops out of the bottom of the remote when pressed – a cool feature.

All the usual suspects such as:

  • Heated seats and adjustable water temperature and pressure.
  • Rear and frontal cleansing modes.
  • Oscillating and pulsating cleansing modes.
  • Warm air dryer and deodorizer.
  • Auto flush and remote-controlled flush.
  • Kids’ mode that runs a full wash/dry posterior clean cycle with low pressure.
  • Illuminated LCD remote.

Ease of use

Once you figure out the remote’s weird naming scheme, it’s smooth sailing.

Bio Bidet has tried to simplify the use of the bidet by reducing the various functions to their basic essence – for example, the oscillating mode has been changed to just “moving” and pulsating has been changed to “massage”.

Also, the basic cleaning functions have been dubbed “cleanse” for the rear wash and “bidet” for the frontal wash.

I’m not sure their rational for this as I’m sure most people buying an expensive smart toilet like this are familiar with the general terminology.

What’s most baffling is that there is no consistent terminology throughout the rest of Bio Bidet’s lineup. The BB 2000 just has pictures. The BB 1000 is the clearest with “feminine” and “posterior” modes clearly distinguished.

Anyway, this turned into a bit of a rant, but that’s not to say the unit is hard to use, I just wish Bio Bidet would stick to a more consistent naming scheme for its bidets’ functions.

Ease of installation

As mentioned in the G400 section, there’s nothing terribly hard about installing any of these smart toilets – as long as you’re able to install a regular toilet, you should have no issues.

Cost

The classic look is tough to compete with.

The Bio Bidet IB835 is starting to creep into luxury territory in terms of the cost. With these guys going for $2000 or more, you start to wonder if it’s worth it.

The IB835 smart toilet is worth it – the features list may be a bit lacking compared to the other toilets on this list (no auto open/close lid or bowl pre-mist), but the smooth design alone and otherwise comprehensive feature list make it worth the price.

See the current price of the Bio Bidet IB835 here.


TOTO Neorest NX1

A sexy choice for those most concerned with using less water.

Looks

The TOTO Neorest NX1 is said to be inspired by earthenware vases, handmade by a master craftsman.

Take that how you will, but I, for one, have to agree that this smart toilet is just plain foxy.

Smooth lines all around, this toilet reminds me of something a pre-cog from the movie Minority Report would bathe in. It’s THAT futuristic. It’s also won Red Dot and iF Design Awards which nothing else on this list can say.

Bottom line is this – if creating a beautiful bathroom is your number one priority, this is your best option.

Features

The features of the TOTO Neorest NX1 are nearly identical to that of the TOTO G400 save for the few I’ll list here:

  • Ultra efficient, 1 gallon per flush or .8 gallon per flush modes.
  • Warm-white bowl illuminating night-light.
  • Ewater + for both pre-mist of the bowl and cleaning of the nozzle. Ewater+ is electrolyzed water which is an amazing and environmentally friendly cleaner and disinfectant.

As you can see, the features list isn’t much more than that of the previous two integrated toilet bidets. The reason for the price premium is the attention to appearance.

Ease of operation

The beautiful remote controls the Neorest NX1 effortlessly controls the toilet.

There are two rows of buttons, one on the front and one on top. The front row controls all bidet functions except the oscillation and pulsation. The top row controls the other functions like the dryer, flushing and opening and closing the lid.

Ease of installation

The only reason this might be a bit trickier to install is the anxiety one might encounter due to the potential for scratching what is essentially a piece of art that you poop into.

Cost

At around $10,000 on TOTO’s website and $7,000-ish on others, it’s hard to justify splurging on the TOTO NX1 unless you’ve got the cash to spare and really want to wow your friends (and yourself).

Nonetheless, this beautiful smart toilet deserves a place on this list.

See the current price of the TOTO NX1 here.


Kohler K-5401 Veil

The Kohler Veil smart toilet is a pillar of style with brains and a seemingly endless features list to match.

Looks

Some may say this integrated toilet bidet takes the cake for best lookin’. I still maintain the Neorest NX1 as the pageant queen, but I could never fault someone for preferring the Kohler Veil.

It separates itself from other smart toilets in its flower-like appearance – it looks more like a lily than a toilet

Like the Neorest NX1, the Kohler K-5401 presents a stark contrast most other bidets and will undoubtedly make anyone lucky enough to use it say “woah, dude”.

Features

The Kohler K-5401 packs an impressive list of features, beating out the others on this list in sheer number.

  • Heated seats and adjustable water temperature and pressure.
  • Front and rear cleansing modes with the ability to change the width of the spray – this is the future right here!
  • Stainless steel nozzle.
  • 1.28 gallons per flush or .8 gallons per flush.
  • LED night-light.
Like a moth to the bug zapper….
  • Electrolyzed water (same as TOTO’s branded Ewater+) AND UV light used to sanitize the device.
  • Deodorizer
  • Warm-air dryer.
  • Auto raise and lower lid.
  • Touch-screen LCD remote

Ease of use

With a clearly labeled remote (and the coolest one here), operating the Kohler K-5401 is a sinch.

Plain English is great – some questionable pictures, not so much.

With everything clearly labeled in English, you can forgive the confusing imagery. I mean, wtf is going on with the “massage” image? And the front and rear wash pictures – why are there two streams? Why not just show the front and rear stream exclusively?

These are, of course, small annoyances. It’s hard to find a perfect remote, but the Kohler K-5401 comes close and is a look at the future.

Ease of installation

It isn’t the easiest thing in the world to screw in the floor studs after removing the access cover if you have larger tools or hands, but other than that, this is manother job that can easily be done by those with who can measure accurately and have experience in basic plumbing and using tools.

Cost

If all smart toilets were lined up in a row in order of least to most expensive and I started at the cheapest and made my way towards the most expensive, this is the first one I’d stop at and say “mama mia, you’re a spicy little meatball, aren’t ya?”

In other words, it’s a shockingly good looking bidet and the first one to catch my eye at this price range or below which is around $3,500

If you’re looking for a bidet that packs a massive feature list including stainless steel nozzle, adjustable spray width and UV light disinfection and looks stunning, get this one.

See the current price of the Kohler K-5401 Veil here.

The Best of Bio Bidet Bidets.

Bio Bidet has been hard at work.

Going from a minor blip on the bidet radar to a major player in just a few short years, Bio Bidet has rightfully garnered a die-hard following – much in part to their endless innovation.

What are Bio Bidet’s best bidets?


A8 Serenity

See up to the minute price here.

Bio Bidet’s newest bidet focuses on pleasing any posterior.

Adjust everything – Bio Bidet have really begun to differentiate themselves as the bidet maker for people who dig customization.

The A8 Serenity has all the features you’d expect of a high-end unit, such as adjustable nozzle positions, adjustable heating settings for the water, seat, and dryer as well as an eco-mode.

Some of its more premium features are a dual sided remote (which is actually pretty damn sexy, props to Bio Bidet), a stainless steel nozzle for added germ fighting capabilities and customization user profiles, so will never need to worry about that lil stream of water not being zeroed-in on Mt. Poopamanjaro.

What’s surprising about this bidet is the level of control the user has over features that haven’t previously been adjustable in other models.

The first is the dryer.  Not only are you able to change the temperature of the air, but you’re also able to adjust the power of the fans.

Next up is the water aeration.

Never before have we seen a bidet that lets you toggle the aeration of the water.

While we generally prefer aeration to be on for a more comfortable spray, turning it off offers a bit more power for those ultra nasty turds that just don’t wanna leave your loving embrace.

You are also able to play around with a few other features such as adjusting the night light (which lights up the whole bowl and looks super cool) and the chimes on the remote (or even turn them off completely).

With all that said, the A8 Serenity is Bio Bidet’s best bidet seat for those who are looking for a  totally tailored cleaning ass-perience.


Next up is the Bio Bidet entry level, budget bidet.

The Bio Bidet Slim ONE

See up to the minute price here.

This bidet seat is the best cheap bidet seat out there.

Usually, we wouldn’t recommend anything below $250, as the components and features are, to put it plainly, shit.

However, Bio Bidet was able to create a bidet seat that has more than adequate features as well as high durability.

The Bio Bidet Slim ONE has:

a stainless steel nozzle

front and rear cleansing

pulsating cleanse mode

nozzle oscillation as well as adjustable nozzle position

child mode

turbo mode (for those who really want to live)

a heated seat with adjustable temperature

adjustable water temperature

a nozzle cleaning mode

a night light

and finally, an energy saving eco mode.

Yeah, that’s right.  That is the features list for a bidet that costs less than a family dinner at Ruth’s Chris.

For this price point, there is nothing else I could possibly expect from an electric bidet seat.  The Bio Bidet Slim ONE ticks all the boxes.